How often do we beat ourselves up? Are we even aware of the incessant messages we send to ourselves that are not loving and kind? How do we catch ourselves and extract from the internal dialogue that cripples us. First, we must be aware that we are engaged in this defeating internal dialogue. I call this being the "witness".
Yesterday, I witnessed how effortlessly and artfully my mind dragged me into the boxing ring of "my old story". It went something like this: "You hurt him with your words. Feel that dis-connect? He loves you less". The trigger igniting the original wounding was "love is not unconditional" -- if you are not perfect, performing, happy, making others happy, doing good, etc. you will not be loved.
For how many of us is this true?
I know I have spent half my life unlearning these destructive messages. Nevertheless, the emotional scars can still be triggered. This is when it is helpful to be able to pull out of yourself (your mind) and become the witness. You can watch the story unfold and at the very least, be able to say "Ahh, I know what is happening here. I am sliding down the rabbit hole. I can stop this whenever I choose". Just being able to witness allows you the opportunity to see and feel that this is not real -- it's just your story.
Last night in bed, I whispered to my husband that I was going to fill the rabbit hole with dirt. He wisely suggested that I use concrete!!