Mind, Body, Spirit Connections

Monday, February 28, 2011

February 28, 2011

Angst, Mama, and Love~

It's been a long day and my sister and I are just getting back to my father's house. It's 10pm. The rollercoaster ride was not kind this morning. Mid-day I felt like puking. By evening, my sisters and I were witnessing and absorbing yet another miracle on this curious and unpredictable journey.

On the 24th of February, Medicare determined that my mother had not shown suffient progress in her PT and denied payments. She had had only three weeks of PT! Anyone who has been through this knows what this means...mom will never walk again. That fact did not sink into my head until we were finished what they call "restorative therapy" which is apparently something sub-standard to PT, offered only 3 times a week rather than 5.

Mom doesn't stand a chance. For anyone who has not read previous blogs, mom has Alzheimer's disease and is in late stage.

Her previous residence does not offer skilled nursing, her current place of rehab is a skilled nursing facility but, politely I might add, reeks and isn't fit for any loved one. My sister and I were, in fact, secretly high fiving each other and whispering "Seconal" which is code for how we will take each other out with pills before abandoning each other in one of these God forsaken facilities. This is the about the time I felt like puking!

Oh, and one other small detail....it will cost 12K per month out of pocket to place mom in this facility.

There was only one thing to do. My sister and I picked up our youngest sister, and we went on a road trip. Driving down to Bloomfield, CT we called Seabury and announced our impending arrival in 40 very short minutes. This was the only other place we knew of that would, after mom spent down her money, take Medicaid...and had received 5 stars from our prior research.

A breath of fresh air awaited us. Not only is the place beautiful, but there are no smells, the staff retention is 96%, and we observed first hand how the CNA's interacted with the residents. It was a night and day difference between the two facilities and the cost is exactly the same!

We drove away smiling knowing that we had found the perfect place for mom.

We had no idea the miracle that awaited us. We were rushing as it was past five o'clock and we knew we were going to miss mom's dinner. We arrived around 6pm and mom was still seated, but not eating. Surrounding her, she ate heartedly. We took mom back to her room and fixed the fresh flowers we had brought, dug out the crud in her nails (thank you Johanna), painted them, rubbed lotion into her hands, and massaged her legs and arms.

During this, Mom had settled into a place of peace, and deep awareness that she had her three girls before her. She then spoke about her "kids", her love for us, and with mished- mashed words, conveyed as best as she could her love, her hopes and we believe her understanding of where she was going next.

I will never be able to articulate how poignant this time was for us, or how healing it was to see my sister Becky's tears traveling down her face knowing deeply how important my mother's words were to her.

We were blessed today admist the angst, disappointent and sorrow of how our parents spend the last days, months, and years of their lives.

Sunday, February 27, 2011

February 27, 2011

Sunday thoughts for reflection~

As I will be going straight from the seminar to the airport, I thought I would select some quotes for us to reflect upon.

And we are put on earth a little space
that we might learn to bear the beams of love.
William Blake

O seekers, remember, all distances are traversed
by those who yearn to be near the source of their being.

When the heart weeps for what it has lost,
the soul rejoices for what it has found.
Sufi Proverb

Saturday, February 26, 2011

February 26, 2011

Medical Qi-Gong~


I just returned from the first day of a two-day workshop on Medical Qi-Gong. I have had no time to process what I witnessed, experienced and learned. Therefore, I will not go into any great detail at this time, but rest assured I will revisit this topic and healing modality.

I'm exhausted.

I was a fully present student... absorbing, experiencing, sensing, and practicing. And the amount of energy expended has drained me. It feels good to sink into this exhaustion knowing the gifts that have been received.

I can hardly wait for tomorrow!

Friday, February 25, 2011

February 25, 2011

Day of rest~

I am declaring Friday, February 25th, a day of rest! After weeks of preparing for the Intent Heals Workshop, a Medical Qi-Gong seminar this weekend, and then a flight to Connecticut to care for my mom, I've decided that a day at the beach reading and reflecting is a grand idea.

The dog threw up on the rug, dirty dishes are in the sink, my desk looks like a cyclone hit it...emails should be returned, the weeds that now look like little mini lawns in my gardens should be pulled, and the bed should be made.

....shoulds be damned!

I am jumping in the shower, getting my suit on, stuffing a beach towel and two good books into my bag, and heading for the beach.

I know it has not been declared a National Holdiay (yet) but come on everyone, let the shoulds go today and rest!

Thursday, February 24, 2011

February 24, 2011

Lift Off!~

CAPE CANAVERAL, Fla. – "In a spectacular and at times nail-biting afternoon launch, the space shuttle Discovery blasted off on one final mission today (Feb. 24) to cap off its prolific 27 years of spaceflight.

Amid clear skies and warm temperatures, Discovery lifted off at 4:53 p.m. EST (2153 GMT) today from Launch Pad 39A here at NASA's Kennedy Space Center.

For those watching, get ready to witness the majesty and power of Discovery as she lifts off one last time," Lindsey replied.

We watched from Daytona Beach Shores; surrounded by hundreds of people wanting to experience the last launch. It was a spectacular sight. And the perfect end to our own launch of Intent Heals.

Today, eight incredibly special women joined me in an Intent Heals workshop designed to teach each of them how to take the Intent Heals Journal out into the world. We came together as a collective, committed to a united vision, and brainstormed on how to share the "power of intention and transformation" with others.

It was a magical day with an unimagined ending: the final lift off of Discovery! The synchronicity of events did not go unnoticed; each of us were launching in our own unique ways celebrating the 'community' we had found in each other.

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

February 23, 2011


WISDOM: "I gaze at her unguarded for a long while, aware mostly of how fearless she looks. Her boldness and strength break through as does her aged wisdom. She is without any need to please, any need to act, or look, or be a certain way. It's as if she's done with that and rests now in the solid center of herself having arrived at her own condensed truth. She is herself. And that is all."

From "Traveling with Pomegranates" by Sue Monk Kidd and Ann Kidd Taylor

To all of my sisters ~ May we arrive at our own truth!

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

February 22, 2011

Holding space~

Being a reformed "fix-it" girl, and still working on the "yes" addiction, I find "holding space" for the amazing women in my life to be the best course of action. Many of my women friends are experiencing some aspect of a 'winter' right now -- a metaphor for a dark, scary, uncertain, gloomy time. During these times of crisis, whether it is health, in relationship, or spiritual, those looking in can feel helpless.

How do we help those that we love?

By being present and holding space; going within and allowing your 'self' to tap into the infinite wisdom and love of God Consciousness. When we experience no-separation, and learn to be in a state of receptivity, we will be filled with divine wisdom and soul consciousness alleviating any sense of disharmony. In this state, we can "hold space" for those we love and emanate peace.

These 'winters' are not fixed, or solved, or to be denied. They are the very rich, real, bittersweet stuff of living, that either breaks us or makes us stronger. Our "holding space" offers the glow of infinite love for those we care for, without expectation of outcomes.

Monday, February 21, 2011

February 21, 2011

Lessons from the garden~

I am not much of a gardner. Ask my family. I don't much like the weeding, pruning, and feeding of nutrients that is inherent in gardening. I don't like dirt under my nails, my aching back after I pull weeds, or the bug bites, nettle stings, and odd assortment of scratches that I seem to acquire gardening.

Oh, but how I love the plants, flowers, and the colors and smells of a well planted garden. It's like looking at a Monet, and when a faint fragrance of Jasmine fills my nostrils I smile in delight.

I love gardens!

Today, I went out and clipped down all the dead stalks of some plants that I did not think survived our brutal two weeks of below freezing temperatures here in Florida. As far as I was concerned, these plants were dead as dead could be. But, to my surprise, I saw tiny green leaves coming out of the soil. Those of you who garden are probably chucking right now (I know my sisters are) "Duh...that's what happens Jen". But, it always catches me by surprise. Never fails.

Those tiny green shoots led me to reflect on ourselves and our own winters. Sometimes, we enter into winters of the spirit where it feels like death; no energy, and fear has the upper hand. It's gloomy, gray, and we feel dried out and broken.

If anyone is experiencing a winter at this time, know that those little green shoots and leaves are sprouting within and it won't be too long before they begin growing like rapid fire. Winter will melt into spring bringing new growth, beginnings and insights.

And if someone you know has forgotten about those tiny green leaves, gently remind them.

Sunday, February 20, 2011

February 20, 2011

Just change the channel~

When my kids were young, around 9 and 10, they used to bicker back and forth in the car. Not unusual by any means. But Zoe would really get wound up sometimes, and it was like watching and listening to a hysterical hyena!

Annoying would be putting it mildly!

One particularly aggravating car ride, Max looked over at me and said "Mom, let's just change the channel"!

We held invisible clickers in the air and went "click, click." Well, if that didn't work like magic. Max and I shifted to another channel. Zoe no longer had an audience. She actually started to laugh when she realized the significance of our action. Changing the channel became quite an effective way in our family to keep our cool, and the peace.

How simple when you think about it. When we find ourselves in a foul mood, or being pulled into someone else's foul mood, we can just change the channel. When you are starting to fall into one of your "fur lined ruts" (a behavior or pattern of thinking that is familiar but not helpful), change the channel!


It takes some practice, but it really works.

Saturday, February 19, 2011

February 19, 2011

Just say NO~

I am a recovering "yes" addict. I use the '-ing' rather than the '-ed' to be sure everyone understands that I have not mastered this addiction. It's a tricky course to navigate and can become harrowing when I least expect. One minute I am just fine, plenty of space to manuveur through the day, tend to my responsibilities, a balance between work, play and self-care, and then "bam" I've said one too many "yes-es"!

You know when this happens; it's identical to one too many drinks! Uh-oh...you're stuck now too...can't easily go back and say "no" because usually that "yes" involves others who are counting on you, and going forward with the "yes" means compromising on other "yes-es" and your 'self' which is now beginning to physically register the well-known symptoms of stress. Mine usually starts with a little stirring in the belly, immediately effecting my tone of voice, then triggering the rather foul perfume of agitation which probably smells similar to the scent of a skunk.

My poor loved ones~

The fact that I am fully aware of this addiction and have some measure of control is a positive; if not a sobering fact when you consider the hours of therapy, self-help books, and vigilence on my part to spot my "co-dependent behavior". Co-dependency can be very tricky, similar to a chameleon changing it's colors to blend and lay low. You're a goner before you even know what has hit you...like that extra drink!

When I was in the thick of it, a friend once gave me a terrific piece of advice:

If it's not a 100% YES - it is a NO!

That worked miracles for me. I took a deep breath, asked myself "Do I really want to do this? Or, do what is being asked of me?" If there was any hesitation, rationalizing, any hint of a 'should'...I said NO!

I'm writing this as a reminder to myself, but I am pretty sure there are many of you out there suffering from the "yes" addiction. Try it.

Just say No~
PS. You can smile while you are saying no!

Friday, February 18, 2011

February 18, 2011


I love this line from Emily Dickinson:

"To live is so startling
it leaves little time for anything else".

Sorry I missed yesterday. I was so busy LIVING!!! Rally for the Cure Golf Tournament, walk on the beach, moon rise and dinner with Andy and Zoe. Being awake, in the moment and thrilled to be alive.

I've been LIVING today too! The weather has turned warm again and the skies are a deep beautiful blue. I breathe more deeply, the bird songs seem sharper, and the way the sunlight catches the Florida palm fronds stop me in my tracks. I hear the chimes blowing in the gently breeze and I smile and say "Thank you. Thank you".

I am in anticipation of the full moon rising, and it makes me giddy remembering last night and how it rose over the ocean. I couldn't take my eyes off her.

I'm in love! I'm in love with life.

Watch the moon rise tonight
Feel the breeze caress your cheek
Be startled by life.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

February 16, 2011


Munay-Ki comes from the a Quechua word that means 'I love you.' The Munay-Ki are the nine ancient Shamanic rites of initiation to become a person of wisdom and power. I received the last of these rites yesterday by a Shaman I met at the Omega Institute in New York last summer.

In gratitude to Gail and the luminous ones~

Wind spirits
Blow into me
Ancient wisdom waiting
to be shared
Oh, Luminous Ones
Breathe your fire into me
Ancient dormant healing power
to be shared
Bring to light
Ancient Ones
the shadows
For transmutation

Keepers of the Earth
Sacred sites
Secrets of the womb
Bless me with the vision
Into the invisible world

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

February 15, 2011

Styrofoam cups~

Did you know that it takes 500 years for a Styrofoam cup to disintegrate? One cup!
We use 25 billion pounds of styrofoam each year. For you personally, that means if you buy a cup of coffee every day, you create 23 pounds of waste each year.

Take a deep breath and just let that fact sink in. I was shocked! Why on earth can we not recycle or find a better substitute for these deadly pollutants?

What if we were to drive up to Dunkin Donuts with a thermal travel cup and ask for our coffee in that? I would think that Dunkin Donuts would appreciate the savings (10 cents), and we would have the warm fuzzy feeling of one less Styrofoam cup polluting the earth.

You can’t do that! Do you want to know why? According to a source within the Dunkin Donut establishment, the local Health Department here in Florida, prohibits the exchange of new or used beverage containers being passed through the drive up window.

Yep. Apparently, your clean travel mug is a health hazard. Germs might migrate into the restaurant. You’ve got to be kidding! Have we lost our minds? The employees working there handle our money, touch our cups, grab our donuts…and I am sure go to the bathroom and DO NOT wash their hands every time (I know, I’ve worked in the restaurant business)!

India's tradition provides a possible solution. Not only does this practice provide employment, but it also protects the environment. They make tiny clay cups where the Chai tea is poured. After finishing the tea, it is tradition to throw the clay cup onto the ground, listen to it "pop", and stomp the broken shards into the ground, letting the sun bake it back into the earth.

Guess what? The World Health Organization is saying that this practice is unsanitary...

What can I say?

Monday, February 14, 2011

February 14, 2011

Happy Valentine's Day!

Ahh, the day of love. My daughter awoke and declared, "I hate Valentine's Day"! She would. She does not have a special someone in her life. I think the emphasis on that special someone is a bit insensitive for the millions upon millions who are not with a significant other. I know Hallmark has made a valiant effort to include everyone: moms, dads, sisters, brothers, grandparents, aunts, uncles, nephews, nieces... (dogs, cats --just kidding)..as a way of easing the distress of those who do not have someone special.

It's not the same. Even my seventeen year old daughter knows that! Chocolate covered strawberries, her favorite meal and a card from me is not going to take away the sting of not having a boyfriend on this Valentine's Day.

We never know when Cupid's arrow is going to pierce our heart. The surprise of it is just as intoxicating as the "falling in love". It's not in our control. Be patient my dear daughter.

Whether we are gazing into the eyes of a new lover, or one we have loved for sixty years, it is the love that is important and the remembrance. It really isn't just about a partner, spouse, or lover. Maybe Hallmark is right: Valentine's Day morphing into a Day of Love for everyone is perfect. It's a time to express how we feel about the people we love in our life.

Some love quotes for you~

"Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies." ~ Aristotle

"Age does not protect you from love, but love to some extent protects you from age." ~Anais Nin

"Love makes your soul crawl out from its hiding place."
~Zora Neale Hurston

"Love is like quicksilver in the hand. Leave the fingers open and it stays, clutch it and it darts away."
~Dorothy Parker

And one of my favorite poets on love - Hafiz (c. 1320-1389)

I am
A hole in a flute
That the Christ's breath moves through-
Listen to this

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Saturday, February 12, 2011

February 12, 2011

Tears & Laughter~

Some of us can cry...at the drop of a hat. Tears flow effortlessly. Doesn't take much; a sad comercial, movie scene, a mean look from someone, or a bad memory.

Me? Nope.
Now, I could blame this on my upbringing. Certain emotions were certainly frowned upon; especially those that produced hot tears streaming down the face. I learned to "stuff" pretty early on. I also learned that one was much happier living from the perspective of "the glass half full rather than half empty".

This is how laughter became the emotion of choice for me. I laugh easily, often and quite loudly. I am even known to snort; sounding very much like Sandra Bullock. And, I enjoy making others laugh. Somewhere along the way, however, I think laughing and self-deprecating humor (usually how I make other's laugh) became a way to avoid my sadness and, at the very least, shield my vulnerability.

I wish I could cry more easily. It's difficult for me to access that place of vulnerability, to feel that sadness, and have a good cry. My vanity kicks in here too, as I look just horrible after crying -- like an onion. Last night during a workshop, I witnessed women expressing their feelings: beautiful, cleansing, healing tears.

I was again reminded how healthy it is to cry; to feel the emotion and allow its expression.

Friday, February 11, 2011

February 11, 2011

Building an intentional community~

We are a collective of beings; meant to be loosely or tightly knit together. Thanks to rapid globalization, groups of people that once looked alike, thought alike, and acted alike are shifting to embrace the diversity of peoples and ideas that surround us all. We are awakened to new ways of thinking and being and share this with others experiencing the same.

The Intent Heals Journal was birthed from spirit. Each person that has been drawn to this project has added their own unique and special touch. To continue this web of intentional healing in the world, I would like to invite you to be a guest blogger.

You're intentions are important!

Share your thoughts, insights, ideas, and intentions with us. We are building a community, a collective of beings inspired by the knowing that we create our own reality, and that our positive, healing intentions do make a difference in our lives as well as in the world.

Please email me at jennifer@intentheals.com with your blog and/or an inspiring story. If you wish to remain anonymous, that is fine too! We will also be starting a prayer list so that we can add your loved ones in our Intent Heals Journals. You do not have to include last names; first names or initials are fine. Please send your names to the email address above. You will find the prayer list to the right side of the blog.

Please don't be shy or timid - share your thoughts!

Thursday, February 10, 2011

February 10, 2011

Pray it Forward~

I can't recall a time where I have heard more heartbreaking stories about friends and friend's family members needing prayer -- father on hospice, possible MS diagnosis, melanoma, pancreatic cancer, brain surgery, loss of a kidney, and my own mom's hip surgery -- just in the last two weeks. I am struck by how we suffer when one of our family members or a loved one is sick, in pain, or undergoing scary, life-threatening surgery. We want to do something!

How heartwarming to hear from you that the Intent Heals Journal has been a powerful way to send healing and prayers. Some of you have gifted journals to your family members and friends who were sick and facing surgery. What a blessing to hear that each surgery was successful! I am now hearing from your loved one's expressing how much they appreciated the journal, intentional prayers and healing!

And so the circle of healing expands. You are praying it forward. I can't begin to express my gratitude not only for your "gifting" but for the many prayers sent my way for my mom and family.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

February 9, 2011

What is intuition anyway?

Is it a hunch? A gut instinct? A "feeling" or knowing that compells you to make a different decision in the moment? Is it the quiet still voice within oursleves that we sometimes acknowledge admist the constant mind chatter? Or listen to when we enter into silence? How do we discern what is intuition from ego, reasoned thought, or our mental constructs that we all rely on to survive and navigate in this world?

We speak about intuition, feel it and act on it. Sometimes to our benefit and sometimes to our detriment -- we have all suffered from intuition that has been dead wrong. I am not sure if we can pull it apart or define it. Perhaps we fall into a trap when we try to tease out this amorphous thing called "intuition" and define it as something separate.

I don't know. I'm sitting with the metaphor of surfing. We catch a huge wave -- lot's of work to catch that wave -- paddling out, kicking, hoisting ourselves up on the board. Then we ride the wave -- being absolutely in the moment -- timing, balance, and focus. Oh, the joy, fear and exhilaration of the ride!

Sometimes, we can have all of that in place riding our wave and we still crash. So we wait for the next one, and maybe we "intuitively" pass on one, or a couple. We wait; feeling when it's right to catch the next one.

Then we paddle out hard, knowing that this next wave is it, and we ride it for all its worth!

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

February 8, 2011

With Age Comes Wisdom~

The following was written by Regina Brett, 90 years old, of the Plain Dealer, Cleveland , Ohio .

"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most requested column I've ever written.

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.

8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it..

9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.

12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.

13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.

16. Take a deep breath It calms the mind.

17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.

19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.

23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?'

27. Always choose life.

28. Forgive everyone everything.

29. What other people think of you is none of your business.

30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

33. Believe in miracles.

34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.

35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.

37. Your children get only one childhood.

38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.

41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

42. The best is yet to come...

43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

44. Yield.

45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift."

Juicy thoughts to digest today, tomorrow and the next day!
Thank you for sharing Barbara~

Monday, February 7, 2011

February 7, 2011


As some of you may have noticed (and some have commented), I seem to have forgotten February 6, 2011. My apologies.

I'm truly not sure what happened. I wanted to blog, I meant to blog...but by the time I was in the car driving to a Super Bowl Party, I realized I had forgotten to blog!!


Even as I write this word -- failure -- I am smiling at the absolute absence of any emotion. Family and old friends will appreciate the growth here. A self-described triple A battery (AAA), translation being "perfectionist", I am basking in the glow of non-guilt, acceptance, and the oops.


Loving kindness is a heart meditation practice taught by the Buddha that begins with oneself. Mindful practice leads to the four qualities of love: friendliness, compassion, appreciative joy, and equanimity. It's hard to be kind to ourselves. Learning to embrace everything that we are and are not with loving-kindness and acceptance is a path that has softened me and my expectations of myself. I find myself being kinder to everyone else too!

In the words of the Buddha:

You can search the ten-fold universe
and not find a single being more worthy
of loving kindness than yourself.

Saturday, February 5, 2011

February 5, 2011

Welcome Home~

It feels like I've been away forever; nine days in fact. I couldn't wait to get home to my family and feel the sun on my back.

The welcoming I received filled me with such joy. Red roses and a card, alstramerium fixed in little vases placed in almost every room, a clean house, my daughter Zoe smiling from ear to ear, and my husband, Andy, who just kept hugging me and saying "I missed you".

What a blessing.

Today will be a day of transitioning; of re-integrating back into my life, and simultaneously keepng abreast of mom's progress and supporting my dad in his caregiving role. I am amazed at our capacity to hold both joy and sorrow. Life is bittersweet. Very rarely is it all sweet or all bitter.

It is the holding of the two realities with compassion and openness, and allowing ourselves to flow back and forth, that is the challenge. I watched my mother experience extreme pain and fear one minute, and then flow into a relaxed, calm, smiling state the next. She had forgotten the pain that quickly.

She is my teacher. I am learning from her how to ride this bittersweet wave.

Friday, February 4, 2011

February 4, 2011

Red Light , Green Light ~

Remember that game we played as children, Red Light, Green Light? I always liked to be the one calling out Red Light, Green Light and watching my sisters and the neighborhood kids running really fast and then trying to stop on a dime. I liked being in charge!

Most of my life has been spent in the green light. I am on the “go”, a doer, and I enjoyed making things happen and being in positions of leadership. There was not much time spent in the red light – stopped. In the course of my healing journey and learning to be fully present in the moment, I’ve become more aware and appreciative of the yellow light.

The yellow light gives us time to pause; to reflect on the decision that is being made, or to rest in the moment allowing a sense of spaciousness and a feeling of timelessness to occur. I have found that by imagining myself in the yellow light, I am more thoughtful, less reactive and more responsive. It gives me the time to allow other perspectives and possibilities to filter into my consciousness rather than the “assumption” or the “emotion” taking over.

The yellow light can last as long as you want. It is not a time of indecision. The act of “pausing” allows the opportunity for the circumstance or interchange to shift. For example, it has taken me a long time to learn to keep my mouth shut! I don’t need to offer my advice, my opinion or “fix” it – sometimes the best thing for me to do is just listen and allow the other person to connect with their own ability to resolve the issue or move through the emotion.

I still love the green light, and the red one too! But, I find myself spending much more time in the soft, yellow light.

Thursday, February 3, 2011

February 3, 2011


I must admit, I have never been a very patient person. When I was a little girl I loved watching Bewitched; convinced that if I could just twitch my nose like Samantha, I could magically orchestrate my life.

It's funny how impatience sneaks up on you too. I'm riding the wave just fine, in the flow, and then all of a sudden some hidden button is pushed, and I've slipped into the quicksand of impatience.

And we all know, once you're in, it's not easy to pull yourself out!

I am being challenged in this moment as we wait for the ambulance to come and move my mom to rehab. We could not transport yesterday as mom's blood pressure was too high. I'm tired of waiting. I watch myself with amusement as I get up from the chair, walk around, talk to the nurse, go down to the cafeteria for coffee, sit back down again, get up....fully aware of my impatience.

Can we just get going? Where is Samantha and her twitching nose?

I have my bag of tricks at my disposal -- deep breathing, stretching, closing my eyes and meditating...but, I'm way past that point. Wnen I'm in the car, my foot on the accelerator, following the ambulance, I will breath deeply, smile and shout "Thank God!"

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

February 2, 2011

Untying the Wolf~

I had the pleasure of listening to a fairytale recently about a little girl and a wolf. This was not Little Red Riding Hood, but an allegory depicting our journey to becoming whole; connecting to our essential nature.

In this tale, the girl is left in the meadow by her father who is hunting, and told not to run into the woods under any circumstances. Of course, she hears a loud noise and runs into the woods, to find a snarling wolf trapped in a snare. He asks her to please release him. ("No, don't, you silly girl. The big, bad wolf will eat you up!" cries out our voice of reason). But, this is a fairytale with layers of meaning, and so the little girl unties the wolf.

He does not eat her, but bestows the gift of "truth" upon her for her courage and kindness. There is more to the story, but I'll stop here.

As most of you have guessed the wolf is a metaphor for our fears: they come in all flavors and often are much "bigger, badder, and meaner" in our own minds than in reality. Our fears will not eat us up, but they sure do feel like it at times. It takes courage to look our fear straight in the eye, and say, "I am going to untie you now". For me, this means, I am going to take a closer look here. Step into the fire and experience the heat, and possible burn.

My truth has been that examining my brokenness is the only way to finding my wholeness. It's painful, that's for damn sure, but the reward is a deeper understanding, acceptance and peace within myself.

Is there a wolf in your woods?

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

February 1, 2011

Snow, sleet and a miracle~

My father and I woke to yet another New England snowstorm. This one will apparently be immediately followed by another storm tomorrow, promised to be far worse than the one currently dumping snow. We made it to the hospital early this morning before too much snow had fallen.

Little did we know the miracle that awaited us.

My mother, who had been in such pain last night and unable to say anything even remotely coherent, was asleep when we entered her room. We talked softly to her, held her hands, and waited for her to awaken.

“Good morning sweetheart,” my father said to my mother as she opened her eyes.

She looked at him, “Oh, it’s you,” and a huge smile spread across her face and she turned toward my father with the most loving, expressive eyes, absolutely delighted to see him.

They just stared at each other. Tears filled my father’s eyes as he looked into my mother’s eyes. I had to advert mine as I did not want to interfere with this incredibly tender moment. I knew my father was savoring every moment. I will never forget the way my mother looked at him. She was totally present and beaming like the sun. Then she turned to me in recognition and smiled, holding my hand tight.

The rest of the morning Mom was present, laughing, making funny faces and sounds, speaking intelligible words, and eating. To say this was a night and day difference would be a gross understatement. My father and I were witnessing something so unexpected, so delicious, so unexplainable.

One of God’s miracles.

With assistance, Mom was able to swing her legs over the bed and sit in a chair with minimal pain. Tomorrow, weather permitting, we will be able to move her into rehab where she will begin her long journey of recovery. Hopefully, she will walk again.

I am cherishing every moment with her. Holding her hand, rubbing lotion into her skin, stroking her face, singing to her, laughing at the funny faces she is making at my dad – priceless gifts that will remain etched in my memory for the rest of my life.

A special thank you to all who are sending prayers.