Mind, Body, Spirit Connections

Thursday, March 31, 2011

March 31, 2011

Praying for the waters of Fukushima, Japan~

Most of us understand that everything in the Universe is energy. In the last 25 years, physicists have concluded that underlying all matter, in all forms, is energy. If we are all from one source, we are connected, and we are constantly interacting and influencing each other -- one vibrant, web of life.

Many of you have witnessed first hand the power of prayer and the impact of healing intention. Today, there is a global prayer at noon for the nuclear plant waters of Fukushima, Japan. Leading this effort is Dr. Masaru Emoto, researcher and pioneer on the photographic technology of water crystals.

Letter from Dr. Masaru Emoto to Fellow Citizens of Plant Earth:

Please send your prayers of love and gratitude to the water at the nuclear plants in Fukushima, Japan....During over twenty year research of hado measuring and water crystal photographic technology, I have been witnessing that water can turn positive when it receives pure vibration of human prayer no matter how far away it is. The energy formula of Albert Einstein (E=MC2) really means that Energy = number of people and the square of people’s consciousness. Now is the time to understand the true meaning....I ask all people, not just in Japan, but all people of the world to join the prayer ceremony as fellow citizens of the planet earth.

Please say the following aloud or in your mind. Repeat it three times as you put your hands together in a prayer position.

"Water of Fukushima Nuclear Plant, we are sorry to make you suffer. Please forgive us. We thank you and we love you."

With love and gratitude,
Masaru Emoto, Messenger of Water
Visit The Presencing Institute Community at: http://community.presencing.com/?xg_source=msg_mes_network

Thank you for joining this global prayer. May we continue to hold Japan in our hearts.

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

March 30, 2011


I must need a blog day of rest as I am completely uninspired to write. I've had a perfectly wonderful day; yoga, golf, some work, and a beautiful meditation. But, here I sit, and my brain is literally saying "duh".  I have deleted my feeble attempts to express something, anything, of merit or significance.

I am not panicking...yet!

I think my poor brain just needs to be lazy. Maybe some cells need to regenerate.

I'm going to end this perfectly wonderful uninspired day with dinner and a movie with my husband.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

March 29, 2011

In My Daughter's Eyes by Martina McBride~

In my daughter's eyes, I am a hero.
I am strong an' wise,
And I know no fear.
But the truth is plain to see:
She was sent to rescue me,
I see who I wanna be, in my daughter's eyes.

In my daughter's eyes, everyone is equal,
Darkness turns to light,
And the world is at peace.
This miracle God gave to me,
Gives me strength when I am weak.
I find reason to believe, in my daughter's eyes.

An' when she wraps her hand around my finger,
Oh, it puts a smile in my heart.
Everything becomes a little clearer.
I realize what life is all about.
It's hangin' on when your heart has had enough;
It's givin' more when you feel like givin' up.
I've seen the light: it's in my daughter's eyes.

In my daughter's eyes, I can see the future.
A reflection of who I am,
An' what will be.
An' though she'll grow an', some day, leave:
Maybe raise a family,
When I'm gone, I hope you'll see,
How happy she made me,
For I'll be there, in my daughter's eyes.

It touches my heart that my blog family sends me these inspiring songs, quotes, and emails confirming how we touch, inspire, and help each other grow. I cannot thank you enough for your support and encouragement.

Many blessings~

Monday, March 28, 2011

March 28, 2011

New interpretation of scientific data~ What do you see? A beautiful young woman? Or an old hag with a giant nose? Can you see both? There is only one data code creating this image. "One piece of scientific data can describe two entirely different perceptions". The image you see has nothing to do with the data code, and everything to do with your interpretation and perception as the observer. Is our reality based on out dated beliefs, an old paradigm, that is in direct conflict with new emerging paradigms? What if we are creating our reality based on these out dated beliefs and understanding of the nature of life? In their new book, Spontaneous Evolution, Bruce Lipton, PhD and Steve Bhaerman weave leading edge science with social, political and economic science to demonstrate the power of thought and intention and how we, collectively, can create conscious evolution. I've just started the book, but they are singing my song!

Sunday, March 27, 2011

March 27, 2011

Mothers and daughters~

I am a mother.

I have a daughter who is soon going to be eighteen years old. I watch her from a distance, amazed by her and her inner beauty. She has a wisdom beyond her years. She would tell you earned from the hardships she has had to endure. And, without betraying confidence, I will adamantly state that my daughter has suffered more than her fair share in her short life.

I am overcome in this moment, and my eyes fill with tears as I think about what my Zoe has endured.

And, yet, she does not complain or make her issues anyone elses. I can not explain her indominatable spirit or her inner strength. I watch and I admire. She is my teacher. Her grace, compassion and love for others is something to behold.

Today, she showed me once again her ability to stay steadfast in the face of disappointment. She hung out with a boy last night; someone that gives her butterflies. Possible boyfriends are new for Zoe (so this was big). At the end of the night, he hugged her goodbye. Then, he texted and said "Sorry, I meant to kiss you. But, I realized I wasn't feeling it."

Hello, can we just keep our texting mouth shut? Yes, I am a "mama bear" and I was mad.

But my Zoe said, "Mom, it's OK. I am not going to let him get me down".

Saturday, March 26, 2011

March 26, 2011

The Gift of Sisterhood~

The following is a beautifully written piece by a guest blogger - thank you Francesca!

"God gave us memories so that we might have roses in December.".....James M. Barrie

As the years go by, I more and more appreciate the power of sisterhood. I lost my only sibling, my sister, at the age of 23 in a car accident. I've often been envious of those who have brothers and sisters, but in their place I've been blessed with many sisters of the heart and spirit. As I reflect back over the years, dear faces float before me and remind me of the love and strength each brought to my life.

Miss Carnes, my third grade teacher who validated me and gave me the confidence to be creative by praising and acknowledging my poetry. Then I see the smiling face of Gladys, who became my "mother" when my sister died. I was a young, married woman of 24, with two children struggling to survive while my husband was in college. I was far away from my own mother by miles and emotionally as a result of her own grief. Gladys was 65, a busy farm woman and a mother of an adult, mentally challenged son. But she embraced me with her love and compassion, and gave me hope and confidence in the difficult time of my grief.

When I reflect on my life, these are just two of so many women who have influenced my life. Sadly, there are those who impacted my life whose names I have forgotten, but I carry their imprint in my life nevertheless.

For the special women in my life today, and for all remembered and those forgotten, I am filled with gratitude for their gift of sisterhood!


Friday, March 25, 2011

March 25, 2011


Why is it so difficult to forgive ourselves? I am continually amazed by what we keep tucked deep within our hearts; pin pricks of the past that arise and wound over and over reminding us of our flaws and imperfection.

Is this what God intended? Or, is this mental trap something that has been so thoroughly indoctrinated in us by organized religions, literature, media, and individuals vested in dominating those who feel and believe they are powerless?

I believe our spiritual journey is about exploring the illusion of this duality; right vs wrong, good vs evil, light vs dark, powerful vs powerless -- all the judgements that separate our 'self' from our true divine nature and separate ourselves from others.

We are all one~

And, we make mistakes. That's how we learn and grow. We have feelings that we don't want, or like, or wish we could magically transmute. I think this is called "being human". It's what we do with those feelings, how we make amends, and our heartfelt desire to correct the mistake that is important. Then, we must let it go.

Forgive yourself~

If we accept that we are perfectly imperfect. Or, imperfectly perfect, I think we can begin to relax and move through life with more ease.

Thursday, March 24, 2011

March 24, 2011

Power of our Intentions~

Intent Heals is all about recognizing how powerful our intentions are and that we create our reality. We are what we think. Every thought, every action, every choice impacts those around us and our planet. If we act from fear, we produce negativity and limit our possibilities. If we act from love, we manifest harmony, joy and a state of well-being. Our inner world creates our outer world.

I was excited to stumble upon this YouTube video of Jim Carrey expressing his awakening and the power of intention.


Wednesday, March 23, 2011

March 23, 2011

Surrendering to present reality~

Meredith Young-Sowers, D.Div, is a remarkable teacher and spiritual mentor for many. She authored Wisdom Bowls, Angelic Messenger Cards and Agartha: A Journey to the Stars. I am a graduate of her Stillpoint Foundation and School.

Meredith offers a weekly inspirational message to her graduates. The other day she was speaking about surrendering, and what that means. Her salient point was that we should surrender to 'present reality, what is true today, in this very moment'.

Her last words are powerful:

"Enter your life as if it were a chapel, and all things inside were holy and purposeful."

Imagine waking each morning and entering your chapel. With an open heart, we surrender to and embrace all that enters knowing that it is holy and purposeful.

Monday, March 21, 2011

March 22, 2011

Spring Cleaning~
Something about Spring lightens and brightens and I feel renewed and inspired.

I felt the energy shift within me after our full moon fire ceremony on Saturday. It was subtle, yet powerful as I am aware of myself moving with even more energy; a groundedness and steadiness paired with a lightness of being.

When we truly let go of what no longer serves us, it leaves room for the new to come in. As I tossed my intentions into the fire, watching the paper catch easily and flare brightly for a few seconds, I acknowledged and honored my act of bravery. It is not easy to let go of that which is familar, comforting, or habitual. On the paper, I had written "dissolve everything and anything that no longer serves me".

As I have written before, we like our "fur lined ruts". And that is exactly the point. If and when we perceive and acknowledge that we are in a rut, we need to examine why and ask if it is time to let go -- of an idea, a way of perceiving, judgment of others, the critical self, self-defeating habits, negativity, or co-dependency.

Spring is the perfect time to take inventory and decide what to throw out! We weed, prune, and create new space for the blossoms to emerge and burst into full color. So lets do some Spring cleaning.

What do we need to weed out, throw away, give away, burn symbolically to allow ourselves to blossom fully?

March 21, 2011

New Beginnings~

Mom is moving today! She is leaving rehab and moving into Seabury, a nursing home with a wonderful reputation and excellent staff. I am thrilled. Thank you Dad and Johanna for being there.

I have noticed a new feeling that has emerged within me since caring for mom a few weeks ago. It is a bit startling; and so sweet.

I miss my mom!

I have never missed my mom. But, as I have shared in previous blogs, my sisters and I are seeing a side of my mother we rarely witnessed. Her ability to communicate her love to us is nothing short of miraculous, and is such a blessing. Growing up, my mother did not even like to be touched, let alone hugged. Being able to rub lotion into her feet, legs, hands, stroke her face, laugh with her, and give her kisses is so remarkable. And, without me even noticing, has cracked open a place in my heart that I had long ago sealed off. This "missing" of her is painful, but I am so happy to be experiencing this too!

I can hold my tenderness and with deep appreciation thank my mother for who she was, and who she is now, and see how our shared pain has made me the mother I am today.

I miss you mom~

Sunday, March 20, 2011

March 20, 2011


For winter's rains and ruins are over,
And all the season of snows and sins;
The days dividing lover and lover,
The light that loses, the night that wins;
And time remembered is grief forgotten,
And frosts are slain and flowers begotten,
And in green underwood and cover
Blossom by blossom the spring begins.

Algernon Charles Swinburne

Blossom by blossom the spring begins.

Reader by reader our circle of healing expands.

Saturday, March 19, 2011

March 19, 2011

Full Moon~

We spent a glorious day in Asheville -- shopping, walking, and eating amazingly good food!

Home now and starting a fire outside to welcome the full moon. It is closer to earth this month and will appear much larger. I love the full moon! When I was a teenager growing up in Pleasant Valley, CT., I would walk down my street to our elementary school playground and swing at night. The best nights were when the moon was full and I would let out several howls...teenage angst I am sure, but I felt primal and connected.

Tonight, Marcia and I will light the fire, and write down our intentions to burn in the fire. We will honor mother earth, the moon, and our respective journeys; releasing anything that no longer serves us and welcoming the abundance that awaits us.

Let's all take time to welcome the new and say goodbye to the past. A good hearty howl at the moon might be fun too!

Friday, March 18, 2011

March 18, 2011

In the Mountains~

My daughter, her best friend, and I arrived in Bat Cave, NC this afternoon. Our destination was to the home of one of my best friends in the world. Marcia and I met in the hollers of Appalachia in our Junior year of college over thirty years ago. She has just finished building a gorgeous home in Hickory Nut Gorge; a sustainable community on hundreds of acres of land with a reterat cener, orchard. community garden, hiking trails, and a creek with waterfalls.

I'm in Heaven.

I love being in these mountains. Today we hiked, and at a certain point on the trail had to take off our socks and shoes and cross the creek to pick up the trail again. It was cold, and as we crossed, we were surprised by the sense of adventure and how refreshed we felt.

I have made yearly Fall trips to visit Marcia in Asheville for the last twenty years. There is something about this area that is indescribable and a source of renewal for me. It is also the place where my partners and I received the prayer for the Intent Heals Journal.

For those remembered~
May you receive this blessing of love, light, healing and wholeness

Tonight, may we remember those suffering in Japan and hold them in prayer.

Thursday, March 17, 2011

March 17, 2011

Loyalty and Love~

Before watching this video, I want to shout a Happy Saint Patrick's Day to all the Irish, and to all the lover's of the Irish!

Now, an amazing demonstration of love~

Here is an English translation of the voiceover exchange between the two reporters in the clip (translation courtesy of Toshiyuki Kitamura):

We are in Arahama area. Looks like there is a dog. There is a dog. He looks tired and dirty. He must have been caught in the tsunami. He looks very dirty.

He has a collar. He must be someone's pet. He has a silver collar. He is shaking. He seems very afraid.

Oh, there is another dog. I wonder if he is dead.


Right there. There is another dog right next to the one sitting down. He is not moving. I wonder. I wonder if he is alright.

The dog is protecting him.

Yes. He is protecting the dog. That is why he did not want us to approach them. He was trying to keep us at bay.

I can't watch this. This is a very difficult to watch.

Oh. Look. He is moving. He is alive. I am so happy to see that he is alive.

Yes! Yes! He is alive.

He looks to be weakened. We need to them to be rescued soon. We really want them rescued soon.

Oh good. He's getting up.

It is amazing how they survived the tremendous earthquake and tsunami. It's just amazing that they survived through this all.
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Wednesday, March 16, 2011

March 16, 2011

Into the pupa~

Into the pupa, we enter the "dark night of the soul" (Christian reference), and Buddhists would describe this stage as 'knowledge of suffering'. The pupa is a metaphor for spiritual crisis; some event or person sparks our journey of spiritual maturity and growth.

It is not fun. There is a detachment experienced that is filled with lonliness, confusion, apathy; a darkness where it all seems hopeless. And there is no clear path through this darkness. It is the death of the old 'self' and a re-birth of something new. Liken it to what happens in the chrysalis, the organs and tissue turning into a soup, and what emerges is a butterfly.

We have and will each experience this spiritual crisis in our own unique ways. I am sure more than once on this mysterious journey we call life.

Mary Oliver's poem eloquently captures the journey~

The Journey
One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice--
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
"Mend my life!"
each voice cried.
But you didn't stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do--
determined to save
the only life you could save.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

March 15, 2011

A treasure wrapped in a mystery~

The diamond lies within. Some call this the holy spirit, others the true "self", and others the soul. It really does not matter what we call this diamond, only that we recoginize that everything we desire, who we truly are, is revealed when we tap into this mysterious treasure.

A friend whom I used to work with often described herself as a "treasure wrapped in a mystery". Little did she know how accurate of a statement that is!

Threading back to the butterfly metaphor, we can liken the caterpillar stage as one where we are "hungry" and our seeking takes us outward: prestigious job, relationships, wealth, big house, clothes, awards -- whatever makes us feel good, important, special, and safe. At some point, we wake up and realize that these things do not make us happy. We feel a deep, inner gnawing that is not appeased by anything external.

Often this is when we begin seeking within. We realize that there is something elusive, just beyond our reach and comprehension -- something more. And so we begin seeking again: we read spiritual books, go to workshops, learn to meditate, do yoga, or see a therapist convinced we are "not good enough" for God. We are still not happy.


We are still "seeking." Many call this spiritual materialism. We are still seeking outside of ourselves, when the treasure lies within! Burdened further by faulty perceptions that there is good/evil, light/dark, better/less than. We are still swimming in a world of opposites and judgements created by the ego which prevents us from tapping into an awareness that transcends this material, linear world.

When we truly become aware of this truth, then we, as the caterpiller, can naturally become a pupa.

This is a most interesting stage! And, as this is long enough already, I'll save that discussion for another day.

Monday, March 14, 2011

March 14, 2011

Dear God~

What if you were to do the following?

Each morning, say:

"Dear God,

Show me you love me".

A friend of mine shared this with our monthly sister gathering tonight. We loved it. She had been doing this daily as she waited to hear back from her oncologists.

She would write in a journal all the ways God showed his/her love - from small gestures to grand, it was an amazing experience for her.

So, let's try this.

"Dear God,

Show me you love me".

Sunday, March 13, 2011

March 13, 2011

Lessons of the Butterfly~

I used to read Eric Carle's book The Very Hungry Caterpillar to my children over and over. They loved the book. I loved the book; fascinated by the caterpillar becoming a butterfly. Not really understanding metamorphosis, but certainly appreciating the metaphor.

Did you know that while the caterpillar is in the chrysalis, the organs and tissues dissolve into a soup like substance?

How can this be?

Out of the soup, through some mysterious chemical process, emerges a butterfly!

I think that perhaps the challenges in our life -- our crises, tragedies, obstacles -- churn up our insides and hammers the ego into a soup, allowing the spirit to feel the breath of possibility. It seems that when we "hit bottom" a crack of light appears to encourage the metamorphosis of our spirit.

Are we going to stay a caterpillar, or are we going to become the butterfly we were meant to be?

I share one of Jesse's favorite songs by Martina McBride that speaks to her incredible spirit and our own metamorphorsis.

She's a Butterfly

She remembers when she first got her wings
And how she opened up that day
she learned to sing
Then the colors came, erased the
black and white
And her whole world changed
when she realized

She's a butterfly, pretty as the crimson sky
Nothing's ever gonna bring her down
And everywhere she goes
Everybody knows she's so glad to be alive
She's a butterfly

Like the purest light in a darkened world
So much hope inside such a lovely girl
You should see her fly, it's almost magical
It makes you wanna cry, she's so beautiful


God bless the butterfly,
give her the strength to fly
Never let her wings touch the ground
God bless the butterfly,
give her strength to fly
Never let her wings touch the ground


God bless the butterfly,
give her the strength to fly
Never let her wings touch the ground
God bless the butterfly,
give her the strenght to fly
Never let her wings touch the ground

God Bless you Jesse~

Saturday, March 12, 2011

March 12, 2011

The power of prayer and intention~

It is hard for me to wrap my mind around a 30 foot high wave speeding forward at 500 miles an hour. The impact of this force of Nature has been captured in the footage we repeatedly watch in the news as coverage continues after this devasting earthquake and subsequent Tsunami.

Just like 9/11, the Tsunami of 2004, the earthquake in Haiti, and now this recent event, I must turn away from the images. At some point, it becomes overwhelming. The quiet recognition of the comfort in my life, the sun shining, the health of myself, family and friends arises and I am both thankful and sad. The knowledge and gratitude of not being the victim of such a horrific event is bittersweet.

So, I pray. It keeps my balance.

I pray for those who are suffering all over the world; in the Middle East, in Japan, in Haiti,in our backyards where children are being beaten to death by their own parents, and for my friends and family who struggle with their own pain and challenges. And, I know that my prayers, along with the millions upon millions of other simultaneous prayers, float out into the ethers and create an intention of healing, peace, and well-being in the midst of the suffering, inexplicable acts of Nature, and the unconscionable acts of terror and brutality that we inflict upon each other in the name of being "right".

I cannot control or stop the suffering. I cannot undo the earthquake, or the damage of the Tsunami. I cannot wave my magic wand and dissolve cancer or Alzheimer's. But, I can pray, and send the intention of healing into the world, knowing that the power of love will, if not erase the suffering, buffer and support those most in need.

Friday, March 11, 2011

March 11, 2011


8.9 Quake in Japan; devasting Tsunami is threatening 20 countries as I write. No one knows the full extent of damage in the Northeast coast of Japan where the Tsunami has already hit. This wall of water is reported to be 30 feet high.

Hawaii will be hit in about an hour. No one knows how bad it will be.

Please direct your intention and energy into lessening the impact of this Tsunami!

Pray, pray, pray~

Thursday, March 10, 2011

March 10, 2011

Building Community~

Below is a response from one of our readers to March 7th's blog entry. Lee is a kindred spirit that I met during the Qi-Gong Seminar two weeks ago. She runs a business called International Ener-Qi Association and teaches Tai Chi in Palm Coast, Fl.

Hi Jennifer, I really enjoy reading your blog, you do a great job and provide some real thought provoking entries. Interesting to hear you were in not for profit. I never was but am now. I work with The Sheltering Tree. We are an all volunteer operation. We run the only emergency cold weather shelter in the county. We also work with the homeless when the shelter is not open and we feed those in need every Wed night. The number of people in need just keeps growing, very challenging times. I received a call from a woman tonight who had gotten my number from somewhere who will be homeless after this weekend. She is 60 and will be on the street. Very difficult, there is no shelter except domestic violence in this county. We will see if we can get her into the Salvation Army in Daytona. But then what? Another temporary solution. She has no income, no family, no job. She had been working as a live in care taker for an elderly woman with alzheimer's. I can't even imagine what it is like to be alone and on the street as a woman.
My work with The Sheltering Tree has been life changing. Makes you really understand what is important in life. I am more mindful everyday in every way.
Thanks for letting me vent a little. Since you've been there you understand.
Thanks, Lee

I appreciate Lee's work and sharing her story and the needs of this one particular woman. I can't imagine being homeless at 60 and how frightening this must be for her.

I am asking my readers to please visit The Sheltering Tree website www.flaglershelter.info -- facebook.com/flaglershelter or write Lee at petaichi@yahoo.com if you know of someone in her area that can be of further assistance. Or, if you, and people you know, want to support the work of The Sheltering Tree and this woman specifically.

Please put this woman in your Intent Heals Journal. With all of us praying, her life may miraculously change.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

March 9, 2011


The worst thing you can do is thrash around in the sand and move your arms and legs through the mixture. This only forces you further down into the quicksand and your certain demise. The fear grips you, and you do the only thing you know how to do...struggle, fight, try to free yourself from what is threatening you.

Quicksand is a perfect metaphor for the perceived and real threats in our life. We must remain in control, fight this thing, win, employ every tactic we know to conquer or alleviate the threatening situation we find ourselves in.

How many of us in the height of our panic realize that all we need to do is surrender?

How simple and counter-intuitive.

If you find yourself in the highly unlikely situation of being consumed by quicksand, the best thing to do is to make slow movements and bring yourself to the surface and just float back. In other words, surrender. You will float to a safe level. If you stuggle, you will sink. If you relax, you will be able to paddle to safety.

Where are we not surrendering in our lives in this moment? Where are we struggling, trying to control the outcomes, not trusting in divine order?

Take a moment, and float. Where do you need to surrender?

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

March 8, 2011

Every day, every minute, every breath truly is a gift from God~

This was written by an 83-year-old woman to her friend.

Dear Bertha,

I'm reading more and dusting less. I'm sitting in the yard and admiring the view without fussing about the weeds in the garden. I'm spending more time with my family and friends and less time working.

Whenever possible, life should be a pattern of experiences to savor, not to endure. I'm trying to recognize these moments now and cherish them.

I'm not "saving" anything; we use our good china and crystal for every special event such as losing a pound, getting the sink unstopped, or the first Amaryllis blossom.

I wear my good blazer to the market. My theory is if I look prosperous, I can shell out $28.49 for one small bag of groceries. I'm not saving my good perfume for special parties, but wearing it for clerks in the hardware store and tellers at the bank.

"Someday" and "one of these days" are losing their grip on my vocabulary. If it's worth seeing or hearing or doing, I want to see and hear and do it now

I'm not sure what others would've done had they known they wouldn't be here for the tomorrow that we all take for granted. I think they would have called family members and a few close friends. They might have called a few former friends to apologize and mend fences for past squabbles. I like to think they would have gone out for a Chinese dinner or for whatever their favorite food was.

I'm guessing; I'll never know.

It's those little things left undone that would make me angry if I knew my hours were limited. Angry because I hadn't written certain letters that I intended to write one of these days. Angry and sorry that I didn't tell my husband and parents often enough how much I truly love them. I'm trying very hard not to put off, hold back, or save anything that would add laughter and luster to our lives. And every morning when I open my eyes, tell myself that it is special.

Every day, every minute, every breath truly is a gift from God.

Monday, March 7, 2011

March 7, 2011


I am so thankful for the people who flow in and out of my life. And I thank you, Joy, for not being "shy" and for your lovely comment. Lee, for your email and support, and the cards and emails from friends who are sending prayers. I find it is the "little' things in life that can often wipe away exhaustion, or bring an instant smile.

I worked in non-profit for thirty years; in the trenches, and in upper management. When you are in the business of human suffering, you learn to watch for and embrace the little miracles-- the small steps forward, the strength and grace of the human spirit as it shines forth in the face of tragedy, illness, and death. Over the years, I have learned more from the desperately poor in Appalachia, the mentally challenged and mentally ill, the sexually abused teens, the Mexican migrant farm workers, the poor, uneducated, unemployed, single mother's, the patients and families of Alzheimer's, and in Hospice than I ever could have imagined possible.

It has always been a puzzle to me that when we are at our worst -- most desperate, beleaguered, and challenged in all ways possible -- that we also discover our most precious gifts; humor, humility, compassion, and a sense of peace. Our ability to understand the mysterious and unknown within sheds a new light of awareness on what we truly value in ourselves and in others.

Sunday, March 6, 2011

March 6, 2011


I have in my hands a book by Deepak Chopra, entilted The Book of Secrets - Unlocking the Hidden Dimensions of Your Life.

This is a book my mother bought, God knows when. Inserted between seemingly random pages are dried flowers. I want to read and fully absorb the book because my mother had it in her bookshelf and somehow I think this will give me access into her mysterious self. I want to understand the dried flowers and why she placed them where she did.

Is this random? Or, is there a pattern, or a meaning that eludes me?

Let me quote what Deepak opens with:

"The greatest hunger in life is not food, money, success, status, security, sex or even love from the opposite sex. Time and again people have achieved all of these things and wound up still deeply dissatisfied -- indeed, often more dissatisfied than when they began. The deepest hungar in life is a secret that is revealed only when a person is willing to unlock a hidden part of the self. In the ancient traditions of wisdom, this quest has been likened to diving for the most precious pearl in existence, a poetic way of saying that you have to swim far out beyond shallow waters, plunge deep into yourself, and search patiently until the pearl beyond price is found."

"Finding the hidden dimensions in youself is the only way to fulfill your deepest hunger."

That statement is something to ponder. I sincerely hope, mom, that you derived some comfort and deeper awareness of our collective existence when you read this.

I will continue to spend time deciphering the pages where there are dried flowers and where there are not.

Is this random?

Saturday, March 5, 2011

March 5, 2011

Blogger Shyness~

"Oh, I'm not talking about me. I'm talking about YOU"!

Out on a limb here...blogging everyday faithfully, even when dog tired, and days when time is short.

I need you. I can't tell you how gratifying it is to read a comment. It's like the first bite of Key Lime pie, the first sip of coffee in the morning, hearing the chirps of the Cardinals. Your feedback, comments, thoughts are so important to me.

Maybe I am more needy in this moment with mom and the rollercoaster ride. But, one of my hopes with the blog is to create community where we can come together and share our thoughts, insights, dreams, hopes and aspirations.

I'm patient. I know this is new. It certainly is for me. But.....DON'T BE SHY!!!

Friday, March 4, 2011

March 4, 2011

Roller coaster rides~

Today was one of those days where I found myself on an unexpected roller coaster. A ride full of surprise interactions with people that left me feeling unsettled.

Sudden twists...instances when I was acutely aware that I was out of sync with the person I was speaking with. And, upon subsequent reflection, I was greatly impacted by the apparent opposition and contradiction inherent in the issue.

I am befuddled.

I know that each interaction today gives me the opportunity to stand in my authenticity, integrity and "knowing" what is true for me.

I must admit, roller coaster rides hurt my back and make me nauseous!

Thursday, March 3, 2011

March 3, 2011

Tap your heels together 3 times, and think to yourself "There's no place like home"~

I'm home! I'm home! I'm home!

Oh, the sun on my back, Andy's arms around me, and my daughter's big hug...nothing like coming home.

It has been a hard week. Mom was weighed today and she is down another 7 pounds; from 138.5 to 113 pounds. Hard to digest (no pun intended).

I would have been preoccupied by my mother's weight loss, but I was wholeheartedly distracted by my daughter's physical science project that is due Monday. I thought we had a slight handle on this one - so wrong! A paper rollercoaster with one loop and three corkscrews. Admist her wails, and cries, wringing of hands, and the "tone", I thought I would lose my mind. Andy was smart and stayed outside grilling the chicken.

There's no place like home....even with the drama of a seventeen year old. Bring it on!

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

March 2, 2011

"I can't trip again"~

Uttered by my mother tonight while we were feeding her dinner. How alarmingly accurate and perceptive. We joked with her -- "You're right mom, you can't trip again!"

It's one day at a time. Tomorrow she will be weighed again. Her weight will be a significant factor in our decision making. I told mom I was leaving tomorrow, and that I would miss her. She heard me and settled into that "place" where she taps into an uncanny awareness and is fully present. "Oh, I will miss you," she said with loving eyes. "I'll be back, mommy." She answered, "That will make me very, very happy".

I know many of you who are reading this can relate and understand the depth of gratitude I felt for those precious few words. Her expression of love for me is so healing. In the past, my mother found it very difficult to express her true emotions. I said to my father, years ago when mom was first diagnosed with Alzheimer's, "It's too bad Mom had to lose her mind to find her heart."

I am soaking in her love, and her incredible ability to express the love she feels for us despite her cognitive functioning. My dad, and two sisters, celebrate with me. We are truly blessed in the midst of our pain.

I thank each of you who are reading, listening and absorbing. I know that I am not alone and this brings great peace.

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

March 1, 2011

Mom's little surprises~

Becky and I visited mom during lunch and for awhile after. It was not a good day, and she was visibly tired from yesterday's efforts. We were able to have some very good interactions, stretch her legs out, and massage her skin to increase circulation.

At the end of the visit, before the CNA's came to place her in bed, I was giving mom Reiki. I had my hand on her back and could feel her absorbing the energy. I moved my other hand from her heart to her forehead (3rd eye) and after several minutes, she looked at me and said, "You understand, sweetheart, don't you"? Yes, my beautiful mother, I understand.

It's hard for me to write openly what I am feeling, experiencing and intuiting. I did go into the room when they were changing mom to purposely influence the process (what we were hearing outside the closed door was frightening). It's amazing how people shift when they know they are being watched! What I noticed was how much weight mom had lost since we brought her into rehab 3 weeks ago. I asked the nurse for a chart of her weight, which is taken weekly.

To our dismay, mom has dropped 18 pounds in 3 short weeks!

We came home and Becky had mentioned that she had read mom's baby book. "Where did you find it"? I asked. She showed me and I saw a blue folder next to the baby book. I picked it up, looked inside, and found 3 manila envelopes; each one was labled with our names -- Jennifer, Becky, and Johanna. Mom had saved our letters and cards?!

What a hoot, shock, and delight~

We have spent the rest of the afternoon reading our letters, laughing at what we wrote thirty years ago, and making fun of each other!