One never knows what is going to bubble up, or why. When I went into meditation, I was drawn back to my first love. In this remembering, once again I realized how fortunate I had been as a young girl to meet Scott and for him to be my first love. There are layers and details of this story that will not be told, but the important piece is that he was absolutely instrumental in forming the woman that I am in this moment.
Our story did not have a happy ending. I was not the heroine. Quite the contrary, I was the villian -- young, foolish, obtuse and confused. But, not stupid. I knew how special this young man was in my life. He loved me with all his heart, and I loved him deeply.
On my seventeenth birthday, Scott gave me a hand-made jewerly box that I still have with me to this day. It is beautifully made, with a rose inscribed on the top of the box. It was a few years later when I discovered and opened a secret compartment with the love letter inside.
"Chances are that you will never open this compartment and read this letter but I'm going to write it anyway." He goes on to say that this reminds him of the story "The Love Letter." This incredible young man, only twenty at this time, goes on to write:
"If we had 100 lives to live we could take a different path each time but we only have one and we must choose what is best for us to do at the time. I'm writing this because I want you to know that I don't hate you for what happened. No matter what happens or how I act, remember that."
His act of forgiveness in the midst of his pain still astounds me. Sad to say, I remained confused for many years not understanding the depth of his love or what it meant to truly love another.
What is of significance in this moment is the awareness on my part of how his love and ability to forgive has forged who I am today. Like your love letter, Scott, I am not sure you will ever read this, but I hope you know what an impact you have made in my life.