June 11, 2011

Speaking our truth~

I think we, and I am speaking primarily of women, have been socialized to be "nice". Our messages -- 'Be careful what you say, how you say it, and by all means, "do not offend"'. I know that this was how I was raised. Polite, considerate, swallow your 'truth' so as not to 'make waves' or hurt the other person. God Forbid!

My friend and I dug into this issue today over a scrumptious lunch~

I was honest with her, and she with me. How refreshing to be able to lay it on the table, and examine our ingrained beliefs and behaviors. Neither one of us thought that we should be rude, unkind, or insensitive to other people. We did, however, discuss at length how one's upbringing could create an armour, or guardedness, that kept people out, or at a distance. This had been her experience.

I shared my story. Similar in ways, but with mine being more pronounced in "I must please people, make others comfortable, even at my own expense". Same theme, different variations.

How do we learn to speak our truth?

For me, it was becoming very ill with Graves Disease in 1988, and then 7 years later almost dying because I had stopped taking the synthroid, even though my thyroid had been radiated and was non-functioning. We all have our bottoms. I was psychologically, physically, and emotionally in a giagantic pit! My doctor told me that my body was literally 'eating itself'.

How's that for stubborness?

I stopped saying "yes" to everyone and everything that crossed my path. I watched people fall away because I was no longer "feeding" them. I was hurt. I was lonely. But, I knew that I was doing the only thing I could do to save myself. It took me almost ten more years to completely free myself. And in that period of time, I found my voice. And, I found my courage to be true to myself. I also found myself telling the truth to others.

A curious thing took place in this 'truth-telling'. The people in my life appreciated my honesty, insights, perceptions, and gentle "nudging". I was not outcasted, dismissed, violated, or left. Instead, I witnessed a receptivity, warmness, and openness to what I was sharing. In my vulnerability, they were able to 'hear' what I was saying. More importantly, they could feel the love and non-judgement.

I believe this is what creates safe and sacred space for us to grow, be nourished, and thrive.

Who do you love dearly, and need to speak your truth to?