Greeting your anger~
Anger is such a taboo emotion in our society. Women especially grow up with the message that anger is not 'good' and you certainly do not show it -- how uncivil, ugly, and shameful. Remember the messages you received from your parents? Were there certain emotions you just did not exhibit (or certain punishment was to follow)? Being angry, mean, impolite, stubborn, and crying were not permitted. Being obedient, kind, and polite were rewarded with love and attention. If you grew up in a household where one or both parents were angry, then you learned quickly that anger led to pain and anger/pain led to abandonment.
We learned to shut down and suppress our anger as a way of protection, and learned "new" behaviors to ward off the conflict and expected pain of abandonment. The truth is anger is a healthy emotion like joy, happiness, and sorrow. I'm in the process of exploring the anger I know lies buried deep within my body and psyche. I am fully aware of my discomfort around conflict and anger. Hypervigilent, I've spent my life circumventing or preventing conflict before it even has a chance to surface.
I remember an incident years ago when I could not contain my anger. I stormed out of the house and into the car. As I was driving down the dirt road, screaming and swearing, I took my hand with palm extended and hit the windshield. The force of energy coming from my hand cracked the entire windshield. I couldn't believe how good it felt and how good I felt releasing that anger. I do not recommend this as an anger release method. The point is how good the release felt -- this was not just the anger of the moment that had been triggered, but decades of supressed anger being released.
Our bodies store and carry our suppressed anger impacting us in a host of ways from headaches, to stomach issues, high blood pressure, insomina, depression, anxiety and a host of other physical and emotional maladays. The trick is learning how to feel our anger and release in safe, healthy ways so as not to hurt ourselves or others. For me, in this moment, I am aware that this is an area I want to explore and address more consciously.
So, with a bit of trepidation, I look forward to greeting my anger~