Tomorrow is Zoe's golf tournament to raise money for the Children's Advocacy Center; part of her year long senior practicum. For Zoe, her choice of projects is personal and she is not "ho-hum" about the cause. She has written a research paper about child abuse, volunteered at the Babe James Center, and is now raising money for the lead protection agency in our county. Her choice of major at Florida Southern is psychology; an avenue into helping children.
There is a part of my heart that is broken, and wishes that my child's passion stemmed from curiosity or a book that she had read, and not from years of abuse at the hands of a trusted neighbor. I failed to protect her and this wound never heals despite my daughter's wishes. For me, this is the quintessential failure and one I have yet to forgive myself for.
Tomorrow she will speak before all the amazing people who have come out to support her. They will know her story and mine. She will tell them that she has forgiven and moved on. I will sit there knowing that I have not -- in awe of Zoe and quietly holding my inability to forgive.
My head will be held high in pride, even if my heart is breaking, as I watch my amazing daughter speak her truth.