The sun is streaming in the windows, casting shadows of light on the foliage outside and dancing on the water. Another beautiful day and almost a week since I lost Millie. It is quite peculiar how I can hold both the joy and sadness simultaneously.
Many times this week I entered the house and felt the emptiness wash over me. I allowed myself to feel the emptiness, the absence of her, and let the tears fall. I also danced last night with Andy on Flagler Avenue to a great band, laughed with my son visiting on Spring break, and bantered with customers.
Feel, release, feel, release.....like waves coming in and going out....no attachment, but fully present.
We are capable of holding both the sadness and the joy in our lives. Bittersweet. Each day brings us our challenges and it is our attitude and willingness to embrace that creates the optimal environment for living fully.
I am aware too of how the mind can niggle. Andy's daughter is flying in tonight and I need to vacuum the house. I watch myself hesitate as I realize that if I vacuum, I will erase all that is left of Millie physically -- her hair that lies on the rugs and floor. I can feel my hesitation and resistance.
I indulge in my "delay" -- knowing that by taking this action I will empty the house a bit more.