A Chapter in Jennifer's Life~

Loss of Innocence~

I just returned from a weekend long meditation retreat. It was intense as one would imagine. And, there was plenty of time to go in deep and connect with my 'self' and to experience the energy within me and the collective energies of the group. In answer to a question about Zoe, the teacher recalled an incident that happened to me when I was sixteen -- "when my life was threatened." She went on to say that my fear for Zoe stemmed from that event and the fact that this remained unhealed.

I had very purposefully, conveniently, and quite efficiently tucked away that incident -- and here it was being dredged up in front of 18 people. Thankfully, she did not go into details. But, I will. I've decided that it is important for my healing, for letting go of my fear for Zoe, and for being completely honest and naked.

I was 15 and had a mad crush on a Senior who was completely out of my league. Didn't stop my feelings, and I was lucky (or unlucky) enough to hang out with some friends in his crowd. They called themselves the "West Hill Gang." Bob was the most popular boy in school - handsome, A soccer player, good student, and nice guy. I had barely turned 16 when I had a dream of Bob's ghost walking down the high school corridor with a shot gun over his shoulder. It wasn't a week later that Bob shot himself in the head over the loss of his girlfriend. Needless to say, the horror of this event impacted many. Over 800 people attended his funeral.

That night we were all up at one of the West Hill gang's homes; drinking, crying, commiserating, trying to make sense of his senseless death. There was a man there that I had never met. Quite a bit older, and friends with some of the other guys in Bob's circle. We talked some that night and he offered to bring me home. I forget all of the details, but I needed to be home at a certain hour, and no one else was leaving anytime soon. So I left with this stranger.

And, yes, he tried to rape me on the way home. I do not consider that "my life was threatened", more that my soul was threatened, and at the most vulnerable time imaginable. I somehow managed to talk him out of this act, but it cost me a very high price. Not understanding what was happening, or how to handle the situation, and afraid to say anything to anyone, I accepted his invitation to date. It was the only way out I could think of at that moment to save my virginity, not piss him off, and get home safely. 

To say the next three months or so was disgusting is an understatement. I sold my 'soul' to protect myself. He eventually tired of me as I was not "putting out" and left. What I did not understand or feel until last night, when I re-lived and 'processed' this event, was how terribly wounding this had been and how trapped I felt. I had compromised myself on such a fundamental level. I also realized that this compromise tainted many of my relationships with men.

So, there it is. A memory pulled out of the mire and muck to be cleaned off, re-lived, and healed. It will take me awhile to lay everything to rest. But, I am hoping that I can now let go of my 'fear' that something is going to happen to Zoe.

And let that beautiful girl live and shine in all her glory!

Saturday Blog Share~

Goodmorning~

Since I am spending the weekend in a meditation retreat among like-minded people, I thought it only fair to share a blog today that might help you if find yourself amongst 'not-so-positive' people.

Enjoy~


10 Ways to Deal with Negative or Difficult People

Friday Celebrations~

Being Healthy~

Today I celebrate my health and the health of my family in this moment. I am not, for one millisecond, going to take this for granted or think that it is a permanent state. I just read a heartfelt email from a husband asking for everyone to pray for his wife, the love of his life, who is fighting stage 4 lung cancer. He asked us to make sure we turn to those we love, and give them a hug and tell them how much we love them. I have another dear friend who is also battling a re-occurrence of cancer.

Like breathing, it is easy to take our health for granted. I know. I have been doing so. Finally, I said "enough is enough" and pulled in the reigns. Ever since my birthday, and with all the travel in the last few months, I have been over-indulging and not exercising. I had slipped into a place of "un-mindfulness" as it pertained to what I was ingesting and how much! Andy and I are in our 4th day of a cleanse diet -- no sugar, white flour, alcohol, or any processed food. How do we feel?

Fantastic~

Today, we celebrate our commitment to our health. We celebrate that we can walk the three mile loop, and work out in the gym, because we are not suffering from chronic pain, a debilitating disease, or some other condition that prevents us from exercising.  We celebrate that we have fresh, nourishing foods that we choose to eat. We celebrate the joy of being alive in this moment.

What are you celebrating today?

Thursday's Spiritual Thought

Judgement~

The speculation and judgement about Casey Anthony is inescapable. Many described themselves as "addicted"  while watching the trial unfold. And now, after the 'impossible' verdict of not guilty has been declared, there is no shortage of commentary about this trial and Casey Anthony -- the murdered, the soon to be 'celebrity' and on and on it goes.

I am struck by the level of anger, dismay, blaming, judging, assuming, and criticalness directed towards Casey. Is it possible that we are projecting on some level our own internal frustrations and judgements, and Casey is a convenient, high profile villain, to distract us from our own issues? (The intensity of emotion is similar to what I witnessed after the death of Osama bin Laden). Whenever we have strong reactions, we must be willing to look within and ask, "What is being triggered for me? Why am I so emotional about this? What is it about this young woman, this case, that evokes such anger, judgement, and disgust in me?"

This is the question one should be asking. Strong emotions are an invitation to look inward and explore our own fears, hurts and judgements.

Let's put away our judgements today and turn inward with compassion and love~

Wednesday's Health Tip

Eat Kiwi ~ Wear Kiwi

Want younger looking skin? Try the incredible Kiwifruit. Kiwi is loaded with vitamin C, one of the key vitamins that keeps our skin looking young and vibrant.

Can't afford those expensive face creams? Let a Kiwi ripen throughly (antioxidants increase as the fruit ripens) and either eat this yummy fruit in slices, or place them over your eyes -- reduces puffiness and dark circles. Here is a wonderful homemade recipe for making a kiwi mask to apply directly on your face.

Kiwi Facial Cleanser (for dry or oily skin)
This recipe is courtesy of www.Spaindex.com

• 1 kiwi fruit
• 2 tablespoons of plain yogurt
• 1 tablespoon orange water
• 1 tablespoon apricot or almond oil
• 1 tablespoon honey
• 1 teaspoon finely ground almonds
• 2 drops orange (or your favorite citrus) essential oil

Puree the kiwi fruit in a food processor until liquid. During processing, add yogurt, orange water, almond or apricot oil, and ground almonds. Process until thick and cream like. Add essential and stir to mix. To apply, massage gently over neck, face and décolleté to cleanse. Rinse well. Makes one application.


Kiwifruit is also a good source of vitamin E, another antioxidant that can help you achieve great skin by fighting against the formation of free radicals. Another benefit? Eat that fuzzy skin (it's edible) and it will help with constipation. Not that any of us suffer from this malady!

What are you waiting for?

Go to your nearest grocer and pick up 3 or 4 of these cute, fuzzy brown/green fruit. Slice some and pop them into your mouth and let the others rot so you can make your mask!!!

Quote of the Day~

"Once you choose hope, anything's possible."
       ~Christopher Reeve


Christopher Reeve's accident left him a quadriplegic. Almost completely immobilized, Reeve's with his beautiful wife Dana, harnessed the energy of hope -- creating a foundation to increase public awareness about spinal cord injury which has raised more than than 64 million dollars for research and assistance to others with disabilities. He truly became Superman through his sheer will to live a passionate, full and creative life. He lived nine "superman" years after his accident producing films, writing, giving speeches, raising money, and being an incredible father and husband. The way he lived his life created hope for and inspired millions.

We can choose hope everyday. It does not matter what our circumstances are, or what obstacles lie before us, hope creates a powerful energy where anything is possible.

Intentions for this Day of Independence~

Let us all remember and thank every man and woman who have given their lives to protect ours~

Let us hold in our hearts every man and woman who has returned home scarred and maimed~ 

Let us send a prayer to every man and woman who are still in the battlefields today~

A Chapter from Jennifer's Life~

Summer of 1986 ~ Spying on my mother ~

We are all searching. Many of us are called to find a deeper truth, propelled by an inner sense that something is "missing" or perhaps a dis-satisfaction with our current circumstances. My mother began searching in the early 80's. I don't know what was going on in her mind or heart. She was, and is, an intensely private person. I do know she was struggling and not happy.

Mom began going to a Yoga Center in Woodbury, CT fairly regularly. She also became a devotee of Shri Dhyanyogi Madhusurdandasji, who resided in Ahmedabad, India. More than 116 years old at that time, he was traveling little, and his spiritual heir, Anandi Ma, traveled the US and Europe offering public meditation programs and Shaktipat initiations. This was a vast departure for a woman who had claimed to be an atheist her entire life.

Concerned that my mom was involved in a cult of some sort, my father and sisters sent me to "spy" on her. The thinking, I assume, was that since I had studied comparative religion and philosophy in college, I would be capable of discerning whether or not this was a legitimate group and practice. In hindsight, I think they had hoped I would talk some sense into my mother!

Ah, but God does like to have a good laugh (frequently)~

I drove home from Pennsylvania to attend the weekend program with mom. Little did I know what I was in for. We were seated before an alter - cross legged. The proper term for this is  'lotus position', but I was unable to execute that particular move. The room was packed, and everyone was chanting in a language I certainly could not identify. I was very uncomfortable. Mom was on my left side, and a man with a shawl draped around his shoulders, sat on my right. I closed my eyes and tried to relax into the music and chanting. In my mind's eye, I saw a beautiful woman, dressed in purple, walking into the room.

The chanting ended as Anandi Ma took her seat at the alter. Imagine my surprise when I opened my eyes to see this beautiful, childlike woman, dressed in a purple Sari smiling at all of us. She was shy, radiant, and the energy in the air was electric and palpable. I will not go into all of the details that occurred that day. Suffice to say, I was literally blown wide open during the meditations, later learning that my Kundalini had awakened. In fact, I was asked to return the next day and receive 'Shaktipat' -- the bestowing of spiritual power on an aspirant by a yogi.

Mom couldn't wait to get home. She was no dummy, and had known full well what her family was up to. Beaming she opened the front door, with me still in "la-la" land tagging behind, and announced (smirking, mind you)  "Jennifer is going back tomorrow to receive Shaktipat!"  My one sister made the sign of the cross, the youngest rolled her eyes and my dad, God love him, looked at me forlornly and left the room.

I guess I was his last hope~

Feel Happy and Stress-Free: 7 Simple Tips to Stay in the Now

Saturday Blog Share~

As most of you know, my spiritual practice is simple -- be in the "now" (present moment) and practice mindfulness. I say 'simple' but this has been a twenty-five year journey of continuing perfection. It is not an easy practice. But, one that has led to more and more joy in my life, feelings of bliss and happiness, and a quiet, peaceful contentment. The blog I am sharing today provides 7 practical, simple tips to finding your joy.

Enjoy~

Feel Happy and Stress-Free: 7 Simple Tips to Stay in the Now

Friday is for celebration~

Happy July 1, 2011~

I am celebrating today, this milestone of blogging (almost) everyday, for the last 6 months. I missed a couple early on, and a day in February. But, since then, not a one. I celebrate this accomplishment because there  are very few things I do EVERY day. Brush my teeth and take my vitamins (only because Andy puts them out for me every morning) are the only two things I can think of. 

Hmmmm...I think I'm being too hard on myself~

OK, upon reflection...I say "I love you" many times throughout the day to Andy, my daughter, my son, and anyone else who happens to cross my path. I sink into a state of "gratitude" many times during the day, starting first in the morning while I am still in bed, and Andy is making the coffee, feeding the animals, and laying out the vitamins (I know, what a life!). This is sacred time for me. I treasure the early morning sounds, the stretching of my body feeling how wonderful it is to be alive, and then the purposeful meditation of praying for those I love, for all beings and the planet, and floating in this luscious haze of gratitude.

I think because I start my day in this way, I open a door that lets the gratitude float in throughout the day. I stop and say "thank you" often. Other times, I will feel a wave of warmth and loving energy envelope me that makes me cry, and again I find myself in gratitude. I celebrate this!

I am also celebrating today the fact that my son, Max, finally found a job! After two months of searching, he was hired by Papa John's. Do not particularly like their pizza, but I am thrilled for Max. He is also in his new apartment rolling up his sleeves getting ready to clean and paint. This is good.

Another celebration is the incredible response to the "Remember Me' essences that we just unveiled! Just in the last two days, I have mailed out 32 sets. "Defies description" was perhaps the best comment I have received as it so aptly captures the experience. I have given up trying to describe these incredible essences.

And, so I must close, with a thank you and celebration, to Beth Hays who created these amazing essences. You truly are a gift in the world -- a channel receiving the divine. What a difference you are making in this world~