Letting My Baby Bear Go~

That day has finally arrived. That day that I have written about before, half-dreaded, half-celebrated, and wished away.

We take Zoe to college tomorrow.

This marks another transition in my life. I wish I could tell you that I am handling it well. But, I find myself tender, and sad. The tears flow too easily as I realize that I will not be able to see my baby bear everyday, have dinner with her, check in on her asking..."Are you OK?"... hug her, laugh with her. Her presence will not be here in our home. It is this keen awareness of her absence that takes my breath away.

We watched the Odd Life of Timothy Green together and cried. Timothy vanished when his last leaf fell off -- it was his time to go.

It's Zoe's time.

When Zoe was a baby, I held her to my chest and sang:

You are my sunshine
My only sunshine
You make me happy
When the skies are grey
You'll never know dear
How much I love you
So please don't take
My sunshine
Away

I'm singing to you now baby bear. You are my sunshine, you will always be my sunshine, and your light will shine within me while you are away.

I love you,

Mama Bear~

Becoming the Light~

If we are paying attention, our time here is becoming more intense and polarized. Environmental disasters, global warming, wars, political strife, mass murder, and increasing health issues seem to plague us all. Suicide is on the rise as many "opt out" rather than suffering. Speculation abounds about 2012. Is it the end?

While we witness the dark, we are also witnessing an intensifying of the light. Organizations, groups, and individuals are reaching out with generous hearts to aid others, clean the environment, speak out and act on countless injustices and heal themselves. We are "waking up" in this age of Aquarius. We are discovering our true nature. There is a recognition that perhaps there will be no second coming of Christ as so many believe and pray for. Perhaps, as Jesus taught, the Christ lives within each of us.

Now I realize that this may be disconcerting for some who pray for release, an easy exit, and redemption in the afterlife. So many desire to be rescued by the Messiah. There are no shortcuts. We are here to love; to love ourselves, our brothers and sisters, and to discover the Christ within --to literally become the Christ and emanate this love everywhere like a beacon of light. When we let go of our doubt, fear, jealousy -- all that separates us from what is -- we will then become aware of our inner Christ light. As we embrace this light, and recognize our true nature, our DNA and vibrational level will change. With new eyes, and a tender and open heart, we recognize the Christ in our sisters and brothers. When this happens, we will have heaven on earth.

So, do not despair. Do not give into the temptation to see only the darkness and suffering. Choose to see the light, to see God in everything, and turn within to your own divinity and brilliant light. You are the Christ.

4th of July

Freedom~

There is something about traversing the still very “wild, wild West” for 10 days that sets the mind a thinking. The beauty of the National parks is unsurpassed and we have key individuals and political leaders to thank who had the foresight to preserve millions of acres of our land in their pristine, natural state. One cannot not possibly walk this land, and drink in the beauty, without being thankful for the privilege and freedom to enjoy our beautiful nation. It certainly has led me to ponder the meaning of 'freedom' on the eve of July 4th.

Our Founding Fathers were willing to pay a significant cost in terms of lost lives and risk to win the fight of taxation without representation. Today,less than half of those eligible to vote for their representatives bother to vote. Effectively, we have tax policy set by a minority of our citizens with a majority not believing that they have the ability to have an impact. Six months from now, it appears that the tax cuts put in place by President Bush will be allowed to expire and all federal government programs will be proportionately reduced because our representatives cannot or will not agree on tax policy that will allow the government to function in a more rational and thoughtful manner. This is disturbing.

And, what about freedom of speech, freedom of the press, and the right to bear arms -- equally important to the Founding Fathers and citizens of the United States over two hundred years ago? How are we exercising those freedoms? Turn on any news station, and you are bombarded with “talking heads” saying anything they want. Issues are exaggerated, shouting, vulgarity, interrupting and gross distortions are par for the course and override anyone’s ability to discern the truth. It appears that we are just trying to out scream the opposition. Is anybody listening?

What about the right to bear arms? When did this become the right to gun down anybody for any reason? Oozies are a bit different than the arms of yester-year. It is no longer a matter of self-protection and more of "what is mine is mine" and I have the right to take it with force and blatant disregard for human life.

Is freedom being exercised when a large percentage of young, black males are incarcerated before age 30 and the number of prisons built are determined by black male's 3rd grade test scores? Is freedom exercised when gay men and woman are not allowed to marry because they have chosen to love a same sex partner? Are we free when big business, the 1%, controls wealth, political access, and governmental policy in favor of their interests without regard to the remaining 99%?

And what has happened to a large proportion of the 99% who have allowed themselves to be dulled or bullied by the incessant, illogical, and rampant rhetoric? Apathy has become an abdication of the right to exercise the privilege to vote. The 1% will always win if the 99% do not take responsibility. Protest is one tier, but we also need to organize, contribute thoughts, energy, money, and learn to dialogue in a civil, factual and compelling manner that is heard by others. Our voices do count. And our actions will make a difference. Similar to Rockefeller who purchased 24,000 acres of land back in the 30’s and then donated it back to the federal government to preserve our land, we have intelligent, wealthy, thoughtful men and woman committed to preserving our country and contributing. Washington is broken. But, we are not. Our inaction is just as detrimental as Washington’s inability to listen, compromise and act.

How do we celebrate the 4th of July, our country's hard earned independence, in a climate of mistrust, self-centeredness, and political mayhem? We remember what we fought for, we exercise the privilege to vote, we appreciate the incredible freedoms we do experience living in America, and we

stand up and make our voices heard.   

Never Give Up~

Never have I been so inspired and moved! You will cry, laugh and cheer~


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qX9FSZJu448&feature=player_embedded

Folding Laundry~

I have prided myself in raising up children who are independent and can fend for themselves. For quite some time, they have been doing their own laundry. Last night, Zoe pleaded with me to fold hers "one more time". For old time's sake perhaps? I think not. She was tired after cleaning all day and skillfully manipulated me at the dinner table to fold her laundry so that she could crash with Kash and Tati, watch a movie, and eat ice cream. After saying "No" several times, I of course buckled and folded her laundry. What fun it was to fold her clothes. Chuckling, I held up her tiny shorts, thongs, and skimpy T's wondering how in the world did she get her body into such small scraps of cloth?Seriously, I do not know how her booty fits into those shorts. When did she grow up? I am traversing down the motherhood path once again trying to grab hold of the point in time when Max and Zoe stopped being little and became adults. I am failing miserably. It feels as if I have lived several lifetimes in this one. I realized last night as I folded each of her garments that a chapter has ended. Like a scrumptious novel that you do not want to end, I don't want to turn the next page, start the next chapter. I want to linger here, savor every memory I have of Max and Zoe growing up. I want to go back and edit some chapters, ease their suffering, erase my mistakes mothering. But I know life does not permit the re-writing of our sorrows or our children's. For every sorrow there were many more joys and triumphs. And as I acknowledge my sadness, I also acknowledge and embrace my joy in knowing that Max and Zoe have grown into beautiful, kind, thoughtful young adults who are ready to fly on their own. I celebrate their independence, grateful to have had the opportunity to be their "mama bear".

Zoe Graduates~

Another milestone is upon me without my permission. Who is in control anyway? When did I say my baby bear could grow up, graduate high school, and go off to college? I'm not ready! Why isn't the Universe listening to me on this one? Yesterday, I was holding her chubby, slippery little body in my arms in the shower singing to her "You are my sunshine." The passing of time becomes eclipsed when it comes to our children. One day they are running around in diapers, the next they are driving a car, and the following day putting on cap and gown to graduate. I'm still in the same body not aging. How does this all work? It doesn't make sense to me, 'this time flying by' nonsense. It is in these stark moments of clarity that I realize more than any other time that I am not in control. I can't slow time down. I can't reverse it. I can't re-capture those moments with my children when they were small, adorable, so carefree and innocent. I can't slow time down for them. I can't protect them any longer. They are grown. Going off to forge their own way, make their own lives, decisions -- good and bad -- without mama bear whispering "Be careful", "Are you sure about that?", "Be home by eleven." I'm not ready!

Visiting Mother~

I flew up to CT on Thursday, May 17th to surprise my sister for her 50th birthday. It was indeed a surprise and quite fun. We had a lovely dinner and the next morning sat out on the porch sipping our coffee and Kibitzing. Most delightful was my 18 year old niece, home after her freshman year at Vassar, talking with us "adults" and holding her own. What a remarkably gifted, self-assured, and loving young woman. I was also able to visit my mother at Seabury. I only get to see her twice a year and this trip I was able to visit three times. Each time was scheduled around dinner or lunch so I could feed her. In the past, I have found these visits a wee bit tortuous. Either my father makes me cry, or the other residents who are trapped in their bodies and minds, or my own sweet mother. I vacillate between the horror of the scene I find myself in and a feeling of complete and utter tenderness as I raise a spoon of soup to my mother's lips. I watch myself dis-connect and become the "witness". In this state, I can hold it all. I allow myself to smell the odors, to take in the ugly and beautiful, to touch my mother's hand, caress her face, and hear her belch without flinching. Oh, how embarrassed she would have been before she lost her mind to Alzheimer's. Now, she laughs. I lean in and listen to her words. Trying ever so hard to understand what she is saying -- to make sense of what sounds unintelligible. Every so often she does link words together and I understand. She turns her hazel brown eyes to me and captures my soul. It is in these precious moments that we connect deeply and we are One. "Ahh, there you are mommy." I feel myself catapult back into my body, no longer the witness, fully in my heart and in my sadness. I allow myself to sink into this sadness -- accepting, allowing, surrendering. It is what it is.

A story of healing, hope and forgiveness~

As we watch the current political events unfold, endure the horror of yet another teen suicide due to bullying, and honestly question and explore our own behaviors past and present, please watch this touching and moving video of healing, hope and forgiveness.

Convicted killer now trains dogs: Convicted murderer Melinda Loveless has a leash in each hand and a new lease on life as a trainer of service dogs for the disabled.

Full moon~

Purity and Innocence~

Skip Your Morning Meditation & Watch this Instead.

Life streams of light~

We are living matrixes of radiant light – life streams upon this earth --shimmering, pulsating light -- here to transmute and create. First, we must burn our own internal dross; that which is dark, ignorant, and detached from the truth of our own God-self so that we may truly "see" and embrace our divinity.

This light matrix extends throughout the cosmos and is connected to everything - living and not. We are constantly being “impulsed” by beings of light – angels, ascended masters, guides – who provide us opportunities for growth, expansion, and change. 

Seeds of creation are planted in the ego/mind.  The entire blueprint of this particular creation lies not in our human mind, but in the GOD mind and will only come into fruition when we allow the God-mind/self to co-create with our will.

Surrender ~ Allow ~ Create ~ Be ~

Beautiful article on service~

DailyGood: Helping, Fixing or Serving?, by Rachel Naomi Remen, MD

Birthday Musings~

Tripping into the second half century~

It is hard to believe that I am 51 today. I celebrated 50 with gusto. I loved turning 50! It was freeing and uplifting. What an incredible year it has been with so many changes, twists and turns, blessings, and opportunities.

We have been privileged to support and nurture many kids...our own as well as those who need a safe haven. Our home has always been open and continues to be a refuge for teens who need a place to stay, rest, and receive love. Our Zoe is the loving, guiding presence who offers this tender respite.

Our gift this year was becoming owners of a health food store. Everyday we are thankful for our customers, their stories, and their commitment to health. What an opportunity for Andy and I to learn and share.

The greatest blessing this year for me has been my spiritual journey and all that I have embraced and absorbed. I am constantly overwhelmed by the love of Christ energy that permeates my being, and how I can share this with others who enter the sacred space of healing and light. It has been and continues to be the wellspring that feeds my soul.

Every morning I speak this prayer: "May all beings be healthy, may all beings be happy, may all beings prosper, may all beings emanate the Christ light. May Mother Earth continue to heal."


Wishing all of you peace and prosperity~

Mother Bear Saves Hiker From Mountain Lion

As I often refer to myself as Mother Bear, I loved reading this story!


Mother Bear Saves Hiker From Mountain Lion

Kaleidescope Horizons

We are no longer living in linear time. Linear time is an illusion, but has been a necessary one for our world to exist and function as optimally as possible. Until now. Many of you might be experiencing a new reality where the sense of time appears and feels distorted. Where a cascading of events are occurring rapidly and simultaneously without apparent rhythm or reason; colliding like a kaleidescope of colorful patterns changing instantly with a slight twist of the hand.

This is the new reality, pregnant with unfathomable possibilities, if we embrace our multidimensional capabilities and accept that we are working within a collective and not as solitary individuals in a vacuum. Every thought and action that we have based in fear will keep us struggling in the old paradigm of linear time. We will fail to grasp the magnitude of possibilities that are available for co-creating our new reality.

If we open, and deeply understand that all action and thought born of the light will create infinite patterns of possibilities, we will be free to play in a whole new reality. Perhaps you have already noticed the new patterns at play, the increase in synchronicity, the effortlessness of tasks, and the quality of magic in your life? If so, you are shifting into this new kaleidescope reality.

If not, take a deep breath and exhale through your mouth releasing any and all resistance and fear. Breathe in the light, acceptance, and surrender to this incredible new emerging reality.

Live like a dog~

Being a veterinarian, I had been called to examine a ten-year-old Irish Wolfhound named Belker. The dog's owners, Ron, his wife Lisa , and their little boy Shane, were all very attached to Belker, and they were hoping for a miracle.

I examined Belker and found he was dying of cancer. I told the family we couldn't do anything for Belker, and offered to perform the euthanasia procedure for the old dog in their home.

As we made arrangements, Ron and Lisa told me they thought it would be good for six-year-old Shane to observe the procedure. They felt as though Shane might learn something from the experience.

The next day, I felt the familiar catch in my throat as Belker 's family surrounded him. Shane seemed so calm, petting the old dog for the last time, that I wondered if he understood what was going on. Within a few minutes, Belker slipped peacefully away.

The little boy seemed to accept Belker's transition without any difficulty or confusion. We sat together for a while after Belker's Death, wondering aloud about the sad fact that animal lives are shorter than human lives.
Shane, who had been listening quietly, piped up, ''I know why.''

Startled, we all turned to him. What came out of his mouth next stunned me. I'd never heard a more comforting explanation. It has changed the way I try and live.

He said,''People are born so that they can learn how to live a good life -- like loving everybody all the time and being nice, right?'' The Six-year-old continued,

''Well, dogs already know how to do that, so they don't have to stay as long.''

Live simply.

Love generously.

Care deeply.

Speak kindly.

Remember, if a dog was the teacher you would learn things like:

When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.

Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride.

Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure Ecstasy.

Take naps.

Stretch before rising.

Run, romp, and play daily.

Thrive on attention and let people touch you.

Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.

On warm days, stop to lie on your back on the grass.

On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree.

When you're happy, dance around and wag your entire body.

Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.

Be loyal.

Never pretend to be something you're not.



If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.

When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by, and nuzzle them gently.

There comes a time in life, when you walk away from all the drama and people who create it. You surround yourself with people who make you laugh, forget the bad, and focus on the good. So, love the people who treat you right. Think good thoughts for the ones who don't. Life is too short to be anything but happy. Falling down is part of LIFE...Getting back up is LIVING...

Have a great life.

By: Ultima National Resources, LLC

Paw Print

I vacuumed. Ugh.

Then I went to my friend's house with flowers and a card to thank her for coming with me to the vet's last Monday. I was so distraught that Monday, I told the vet that I did not want anything -- no ashes, no "paw print", or her collar, leash, etc.

And there is Barb handing me a bag with Millie's paw print. They did it anyway, somehow knowing that I might change my mind, or that I was out of my mind. How about that? I just couldn't believe it. There I was blubbering in the driveway, so thankful that I had a concrete "memory" after vacuuming up the last of her dog hair.

Millie's paw print is now beside the Buddha in the garden. Resting in peace.  I can visit her daily and smile.

Sunday Musings~

The sun is streaming in the windows, casting shadows of light on the foliage outside and dancing on the water. Another beautiful day and almost a week since I lost Millie. It is quite peculiar how I can hold both the joy and sadness simultaneously.

Many times this week I entered the house and felt the emptiness wash over me. I allowed myself to feel the emptiness, the absence of her, and let the tears fall. I also danced last night with Andy on Flagler Avenue to a great band, laughed with my son visiting on Spring break, and bantered with customers.

Feel, release, feel, release.....like waves coming in and going out....no attachment, but fully present.

We are capable of holding both the sadness and the joy in our lives. Bittersweet. Each day brings us our challenges and it is our attitude and willingness to embrace that creates the optimal environment for living fully.

I am aware too of how the mind can niggle. Andy's daughter is flying in tonight and I need to vacuum the house. I watch myself hesitate as I realize that if I vacuum, I will erase all that is left of Millie physically -- her hair that lies on the rugs and floor. I can feel my hesitation and resistance.

I indulge in my "delay" -- knowing that by taking this action I will empty the house a bit more.

The power of forgiveness~

Tiny Wisdom: The Most Powerful Words for Healing

My forever friend~

My Forever Friend

I know that it must be different,
now that I am no longer here.
I realize how much I was loved
and how all of you did care.

I know it will be hard at first
when you look around for me.
Expecting to find me in my bed
or beside my favorite tree.

Someday you will begin to see,
although it'll take some time,
the happy times you shared with me,
the memories are yours and mine.

I'll remember you, my family,
and how much you meant to me.

So please don't grieve and don't be sad,
it was just my time to leave.