Letting My Baby Bear Go~

That day has finally arrived. That day that I have written about before, half-dreaded, half-celebrated, and wished away.

We take Zoe to college tomorrow.

This marks another transition in my life. I wish I could tell you that I am handling it well. But, I find myself tender, and sad. The tears flow too easily as I realize that I will not be able to see my baby bear everyday, have dinner with her, check in on her asking..."Are you OK?"... hug her, laugh with her. Her presence will not be here in our home. It is this keen awareness of her absence that takes my breath away.

We watched the Odd Life of Timothy Green together and cried. Timothy vanished when his last leaf fell off -- it was his time to go.

It's Zoe's time.

When Zoe was a baby, I held her to my chest and sang:

You are my sunshine
My only sunshine
You make me happy
When the skies are grey
You'll never know dear
How much I love you
So please don't take
My sunshine
Away

I'm singing to you now baby bear. You are my sunshine, you will always be my sunshine, and your light will shine within me while you are away.

I love you,

Mama Bear~

Becoming the Light~

If we are paying attention, our time here is becoming more intense and polarized. Environmental disasters, global warming, wars, political strife, mass murder, and increasing health issues seem to plague us all. Suicide is on the rise as many "opt out" rather than suffering. Speculation abounds about 2012. Is it the end?

While we witness the dark, we are also witnessing an intensifying of the light. Organizations, groups, and individuals are reaching out with generous hearts to aid others, clean the environment, speak out and act on countless injustices and heal themselves. We are "waking up" in this age of Aquarius. We are discovering our true nature. There is a recognition that perhaps there will be no second coming of Christ as so many believe and pray for. Perhaps, as Jesus taught, the Christ lives within each of us.

Now I realize that this may be disconcerting for some who pray for release, an easy exit, and redemption in the afterlife. So many desire to be rescued by the Messiah. There are no shortcuts. We are here to love; to love ourselves, our brothers and sisters, and to discover the Christ within --to literally become the Christ and emanate this love everywhere like a beacon of light. When we let go of our doubt, fear, jealousy -- all that separates us from what is -- we will then become aware of our inner Christ light. As we embrace this light, and recognize our true nature, our DNA and vibrational level will change. With new eyes, and a tender and open heart, we recognize the Christ in our sisters and brothers. When this happens, we will have heaven on earth.

So, do not despair. Do not give into the temptation to see only the darkness and suffering. Choose to see the light, to see God in everything, and turn within to your own divinity and brilliant light. You are the Christ.

4th of July

Freedom~

There is something about traversing the still very “wild, wild West” for 10 days that sets the mind a thinking. The beauty of the National parks is unsurpassed and we have key individuals and political leaders to thank who had the foresight to preserve millions of acres of our land in their pristine, natural state. One cannot not possibly walk this land, and drink in the beauty, without being thankful for the privilege and freedom to enjoy our beautiful nation. It certainly has led me to ponder the meaning of 'freedom' on the eve of July 4th.

Our Founding Fathers were willing to pay a significant cost in terms of lost lives and risk to win the fight of taxation without representation. Today,less than half of those eligible to vote for their representatives bother to vote. Effectively, we have tax policy set by a minority of our citizens with a majority not believing that they have the ability to have an impact. Six months from now, it appears that the tax cuts put in place by President Bush will be allowed to expire and all federal government programs will be proportionately reduced because our representatives cannot or will not agree on tax policy that will allow the government to function in a more rational and thoughtful manner. This is disturbing.

And, what about freedom of speech, freedom of the press, and the right to bear arms -- equally important to the Founding Fathers and citizens of the United States over two hundred years ago? How are we exercising those freedoms? Turn on any news station, and you are bombarded with “talking heads” saying anything they want. Issues are exaggerated, shouting, vulgarity, interrupting and gross distortions are par for the course and override anyone’s ability to discern the truth. It appears that we are just trying to out scream the opposition. Is anybody listening?

What about the right to bear arms? When did this become the right to gun down anybody for any reason? Oozies are a bit different than the arms of yester-year. It is no longer a matter of self-protection and more of "what is mine is mine" and I have the right to take it with force and blatant disregard for human life.

Is freedom being exercised when a large percentage of young, black males are incarcerated before age 30 and the number of prisons built are determined by black male's 3rd grade test scores? Is freedom exercised when gay men and woman are not allowed to marry because they have chosen to love a same sex partner? Are we free when big business, the 1%, controls wealth, political access, and governmental policy in favor of their interests without regard to the remaining 99%?

And what has happened to a large proportion of the 99% who have allowed themselves to be dulled or bullied by the incessant, illogical, and rampant rhetoric? Apathy has become an abdication of the right to exercise the privilege to vote. The 1% will always win if the 99% do not take responsibility. Protest is one tier, but we also need to organize, contribute thoughts, energy, money, and learn to dialogue in a civil, factual and compelling manner that is heard by others. Our voices do count. And our actions will make a difference. Similar to Rockefeller who purchased 24,000 acres of land back in the 30’s and then donated it back to the federal government to preserve our land, we have intelligent, wealthy, thoughtful men and woman committed to preserving our country and contributing. Washington is broken. But, we are not. Our inaction is just as detrimental as Washington’s inability to listen, compromise and act.

How do we celebrate the 4th of July, our country's hard earned independence, in a climate of mistrust, self-centeredness, and political mayhem? We remember what we fought for, we exercise the privilege to vote, we appreciate the incredible freedoms we do experience living in America, and we

stand up and make our voices heard.   

Never Give Up~

Never have I been so inspired and moved! You will cry, laugh and cheer~


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qX9FSZJu448&feature=player_embedded

Folding Laundry~

I have prided myself in raising up children who are independent and can fend for themselves. For quite some time, they have been doing their own laundry. Last night, Zoe pleaded with me to fold hers "one more time". For old time's sake perhaps? I think not. She was tired after cleaning all day and skillfully manipulated me at the dinner table to fold her laundry so that she could crash with Kash and Tati, watch a movie, and eat ice cream. After saying "No" several times, I of course buckled and folded her laundry. What fun it was to fold her clothes. Chuckling, I held up her tiny shorts, thongs, and skimpy T's wondering how in the world did she get her body into such small scraps of cloth?Seriously, I do not know how her booty fits into those shorts. When did she grow up? I am traversing down the motherhood path once again trying to grab hold of the point in time when Max and Zoe stopped being little and became adults. I am failing miserably. It feels as if I have lived several lifetimes in this one. I realized last night as I folded each of her garments that a chapter has ended. Like a scrumptious novel that you do not want to end, I don't want to turn the next page, start the next chapter. I want to linger here, savor every memory I have of Max and Zoe growing up. I want to go back and edit some chapters, ease their suffering, erase my mistakes mothering. But I know life does not permit the re-writing of our sorrows or our children's. For every sorrow there were many more joys and triumphs. And as I acknowledge my sadness, I also acknowledge and embrace my joy in knowing that Max and Zoe have grown into beautiful, kind, thoughtful young adults who are ready to fly on their own. I celebrate their independence, grateful to have had the opportunity to be their "mama bear".

Zoe Graduates~

Another milestone is upon me without my permission. Who is in control anyway? When did I say my baby bear could grow up, graduate high school, and go off to college? I'm not ready! Why isn't the Universe listening to me on this one? Yesterday, I was holding her chubby, slippery little body in my arms in the shower singing to her "You are my sunshine." The passing of time becomes eclipsed when it comes to our children. One day they are running around in diapers, the next they are driving a car, and the following day putting on cap and gown to graduate. I'm still in the same body not aging. How does this all work? It doesn't make sense to me, 'this time flying by' nonsense. It is in these stark moments of clarity that I realize more than any other time that I am not in control. I can't slow time down. I can't reverse it. I can't re-capture those moments with my children when they were small, adorable, so carefree and innocent. I can't slow time down for them. I can't protect them any longer. They are grown. Going off to forge their own way, make their own lives, decisions -- good and bad -- without mama bear whispering "Be careful", "Are you sure about that?", "Be home by eleven." I'm not ready!

Visiting Mother~

I flew up to CT on Thursday, May 17th to surprise my sister for her 50th birthday. It was indeed a surprise and quite fun. We had a lovely dinner and the next morning sat out on the porch sipping our coffee and Kibitzing. Most delightful was my 18 year old niece, home after her freshman year at Vassar, talking with us "adults" and holding her own. What a remarkably gifted, self-assured, and loving young woman. I was also able to visit my mother at Seabury. I only get to see her twice a year and this trip I was able to visit three times. Each time was scheduled around dinner or lunch so I could feed her. In the past, I have found these visits a wee bit tortuous. Either my father makes me cry, or the other residents who are trapped in their bodies and minds, or my own sweet mother. I vacillate between the horror of the scene I find myself in and a feeling of complete and utter tenderness as I raise a spoon of soup to my mother's lips. I watch myself dis-connect and become the "witness". In this state, I can hold it all. I allow myself to smell the odors, to take in the ugly and beautiful, to touch my mother's hand, caress her face, and hear her belch without flinching. Oh, how embarrassed she would have been before she lost her mind to Alzheimer's. Now, she laughs. I lean in and listen to her words. Trying ever so hard to understand what she is saying -- to make sense of what sounds unintelligible. Every so often she does link words together and I understand. She turns her hazel brown eyes to me and captures my soul. It is in these precious moments that we connect deeply and we are One. "Ahh, there you are mommy." I feel myself catapult back into my body, no longer the witness, fully in my heart and in my sadness. I allow myself to sink into this sadness -- accepting, allowing, surrendering. It is what it is.

A story of healing, hope and forgiveness~

As we watch the current political events unfold, endure the horror of yet another teen suicide due to bullying, and honestly question and explore our own behaviors past and present, please watch this touching and moving video of healing, hope and forgiveness.

Convicted killer now trains dogs: Convicted murderer Melinda Loveless has a leash in each hand and a new lease on life as a trainer of service dogs for the disabled.

Full moon~

Purity and Innocence~

Skip Your Morning Meditation & Watch this Instead.